[Play] A Hand Grenade Loose in King Arthur's Court - Act 1 Scene 7

 Scene 7

Merlin, Grenademan and Pelinor are all in Pelinor’s workshop.

Merlin (Gestures)

If I did this right, you dolts can’t see or hear me.  Can you?

Pelinor

But why not just use a horse?

Grenademan (Hammering)

THIS WILL BE FASTER THAN HORSES.  IT WILL ALLOW ME TO CATCH UP TO SIR GAWAIN TO HELP WITH THE GRAIL IN A THIRD OF THE TIME.  PLUS I DON’T KNOW HOW TO RIDE.

Pelinor

But...what powers it?

Grenademan

BY EXTRACTING THE CESIUM CORE OF ONE OF MY X GRENADES PLUS COMBINING IT WITH YOUR ALCHEMICAL EXTRACTION OF PHOENIX ESSENCE I BELIEVE I CAN MAKE IT GO IN PERPETUITY.  

Pelinor

So ‘chemistry’ and alchemy? Fascinating

Merlin

Right, you can’t.  Good.  What a waste of time you are Grenademan (beat) What...is this?

Grenademan

I WILL ALSO ADD A PAIR OF FUZZY DICE.

Pelinor

What do those do? 

Grenademan

MAKE IT LOOK COOL.

Merlin

You have magic?  How is this?  WHAT is this?  (Gestures)

Grenademan

THERE! DONE! I HAVE BUT TO ADD THE FUEL...

Pelinor

It smells foul  Are you sure it hath not the Touch of Evil?

Grenademan

I AM A CHAMPION OF GOOD.  I DO NOT USE EVIL CARS OR EVIL ANYTHING.

Merlin

What is….that...the Helm of Mambrino?  But, that’s a Chaos artifact used by The Lord of La Mancha in his confrontation against the Man of Mirrors.  Chaos randomly teleported a chaos artifact as the match changer?  This….this is terrible.  Order will call him out for cheating.  And I am supposed to be helping this fool?  Oh, Order will be furious.  And he may take it out on me.

Pelinor

Ye Gods and Fires of Hell, look at it go!

Grenademan

TALLYHO!

Merlin

Oh this is bad.  This is incredibly bad.  That helmet in the hands of someone as insane as this loon….I must find Morgana at once.