[Play] A Hand Grenade Loose in King Arthur's Court Act 1 Scene 9

 Scene 9

Herald One and Herald Two duel in the public square

Herald One

The Sword in the Stone

Drew forth made a King

Tales ere of old then

The bards then did sing

Herald Two

And then civil war happened

Bippity boppity boo

Whoo hoo and a dingle berry too

Mystical Arthur and his fipity wizard

He thinks he is wise

Cause he spent time as a Lizard

What the fuck man?

No one with guts took him seriously

So he beat the ever living shit out of them

With his magical sword

Til they pretended he was Uther’s son

Herald One

Unite the realm he did

Under God one and all

A round table he made

True knights follow the call

Herald Two

A gaggle of trash

Randos with nothing better

To spend their time on.

Herald One

Their glory and quests legend

Their numbers swell each day

The Knights of Camelot unquealed

Enlightened by surefire Ephereveence Ray

Herald Two

I can’t take a peck

At the foam and fleck

Of tin cans in a 

Suit of Sardines but

I think the downer

Is the out of towner

Named Mordred so

I heard.  The boy is tight

In a joust or a fight

Didnt Arthur sleep with his Mom?

Morgana boink him

Along comes Mordred

High thee father 

I’ve come to claim my crown

Then froth did the king

At the bastard thing

That oozed into Camelot’s tile

It stains the land

And isnt it grand

That the pureness has turned into bile?

Herald One

A bastard cant undo purity

Behold our glorious queen Guenevere

Soon an heir will grace

That we can then revere.

Herald Two

Oh thats just swell

I like that one one

Iambic pentameter your ass

Seriously pal you gave me that one on a free platter

I knick knack paddy whack your ass

Since everyone

Whose anyone 

Knows that Lancelot has boinked the Queen

Isnt that the problem

If you get what I mean?

The scene

That scene

Such as it is

Made every knight scurry like an ant

Trying to find the grail

To cure a dying king

Who fought Lancelot

And Lost

Trial by Combat

Might as well be Wombat

I’m sure the Desert God

Will answer their prayers any day now

Herald One 

Their prayers are indeed heard

The most high of Order

Will restore the balance anon

And sully not the Queen!

Herald Two

LOL, you broke rhyme brother

Herald One

(beat)

Curse you.

Both leave.