[Play] A Handgrenade Loose in King Arthur's Court Act 1, Scene 10

 Scene 10

Lancelot walks on a weary road.

Lancelot

I seek the grail like any other knight, but am sure I shall not find it.  I am all but banished from court.  The accusation hung in the air like lead.  But how can one who is anything but pure in heart...what in the devil is that?

(Grenademan drives up in a car)

Grenademan

TALLYHO GOOD SIR KNIGHT, HAVE YOU SEEN SIR GALAHAD?

Lancelot

Ah, and yet my other shame is named of me, the illegitimate son I begot with Elaine of Corbenic.  This May Day is anything but festive.

Grenademan

MAYDAY? ARE YOU IN TROUBLE GOOD SIR KNIGHT? I AM GRENADEMAN.

Lancelot

Yes, Sir Grenademan, my heart bleeds for I seek the Grail.  I have not seen my son since we all split ways to search for the grail.  I hear he is north in Cumberland.  Why seek ye him?

Grenademan

JUST GRENADEMAN.  I AM NOT A KNIGHT.  SIR GALAHAD IS THE ONE WHO WILL FIND THE GRAIL.  BY DRIVING WITH HIM IN THIS (he pats the car) WE SHALL SPEED THE SEARCH.

Lancelot

Ah, my apologies.  You carry impressive weaponry for a peasant.  

Merchant enters stage

Merchant

Fruit for sale, fruit!  Who wouldn’t want wonderful fruit on a fine Mayday like this one.  The sun is shining, the wind at my back, what could be better than some nice cool water melon.

Lancelot

I will take a melon good Merchant.

Grenademan

I AM NOT A PEASANT.  I AM A SUPERHERO.  I FIGHT FOR THE FORCES OF GOOD AGAINST THE FORCES OF EVIL.

Merchant

You’re a Schlemiel.  (Gives Lancelot a melon)

Lancelot

Wait, you said that Galahad WILL find the Grail.   How do you know he will?  Did an angel of the Lord tell you?

Grenademan

THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING TOLD ME.

Lancelot

Who is the Once and Future King?

Grenademan

KING ARTHUR.

Lancelot

So King Arthur told you? How did HE know?

Grenademan

THE BOOK TOLD ME.

Lancelot

What book?

Grenademan

THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING.

Lancelot

(beat) So you call this thing you’re riding a car you say.

Grenademan

YES.

Lancelot

Great.  Lets go.

Grenademan

TALLYHO!

Lancelot

Bloody peasant.

Merchant

Schemiel. 

Grenademan and Lancelot drive off.