What is wrong with you?
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Friday, March 3, 2017
Looking Like That Actor Who Played Satan Has Its Perks
So like, the other day, people stopped me on the street and said, "Excuse me, may I sell my soul to you?"
"....What?"
"Well, I've felt that my life has very little meaning, so I would like to improve it by placing a second mortgage on my soul."
"....OK?"
"So that's a yes?"
"Sure."
"Wonderful! I'd like a pony."
"An actual pony?"
"Yes please."
"Alright."
"Really?"
I nod, "Sure." There is a pause, "But you do know I have to make it look coincidental right? Don't want God to get suspicious or anything."
"Oh sure."
"It'll come. In the mean time, enjoy the fringe benefits."
"Fringe benefits?"
"Oh you know, better food, better air, better sex."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. Absolutely."
"Wow, thanks Satan."
"No problem."
"....What?"
"Well, I've felt that my life has very little meaning, so I would like to improve it by placing a second mortgage on my soul."
"....OK?"
"So that's a yes?"
"Sure."
"Wonderful! I'd like a pony."
"An actual pony?"
"Yes please."
"Alright."
"Really?"
I nod, "Sure." There is a pause, "But you do know I have to make it look coincidental right? Don't want God to get suspicious or anything."
"Oh sure."
"It'll come. In the mean time, enjoy the fringe benefits."
"Fringe benefits?"
"Oh you know, better food, better air, better sex."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. Absolutely."
"Wow, thanks Satan."
"No problem."
Thursday, March 2, 2017
[Script] Hot Tin Lizzie Goes Up and Out - Page 3
Scene: Lizzie takes the cat in her hands and walks into an abandon compound, filled with half repaired or broken machines and cars.
Scene: Lizzie walks up to a house in the middle of the compound, opening the screen door and trying to be as quiet as she can. She looks around carefully, and then slowly closes it behind her.
Scene: She enters through the kitchen and turns right down a hall full of pictures of the family smiling, several generations including several people in modern clothing though most of the recent ones show people in more and more stark clothing.
Scene: She comes into a room with her father who is snoring and sitting in a chair with TV shows from the 1950's playing in the background.
Lizzie: Dad?
(beat)
Lizzie: (Louder) DAD?
Scene: Lizzie walks up to a house in the middle of the compound, opening the screen door and trying to be as quiet as she can. She looks around carefully, and then slowly closes it behind her.
Scene: She enters through the kitchen and turns right down a hall full of pictures of the family smiling, several generations including several people in modern clothing though most of the recent ones show people in more and more stark clothing.
Scene: She comes into a room with her father who is snoring and sitting in a chair with TV shows from the 1950's playing in the background.
Lizzie: Dad?
(beat)
Lizzie: (Louder) DAD?
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
[Script] Hot Tin Lizzie Goes Up and Out - Page 2
Scene: Lizzie slowly works her way out of the cables and large vats of chemicals. The voice over stops as she leaves the garage which is very cleverly concealed among the timbers and aluminum siding.
Scene: Lizzie walks through a very desolated town, almost empty. A few people look around, many of the men are missing limbs and all the women are frightened in one way or another, all of them.
Scene: Lizzie stops and finds a small kitten making mewling sounds. At first she ignores it, everyone else is. She walks past.
Scene: Lizzie turns around a corner and then stops.
Lizzie: Shit.
Scene: Lizzie turns back around and looks it over for a few moments and then picks it up as she resumes her walk home.
Scene: Lizzie walks through a very desolated town, almost empty. A few people look around, many of the men are missing limbs and all the women are frightened in one way or another, all of them.
Scene: Lizzie stops and finds a small kitten making mewling sounds. At first she ignores it, everyone else is. She walks past.
Scene: Lizzie turns around a corner and then stops.
Lizzie: Shit.
Scene: Lizzie turns back around and looks it over for a few moments and then picks it up as she resumes her walk home.
Monday, February 27, 2017
The Candy King Can
I have already mentioned that what happens in Earth is reflected in Terra. So much so, that to fight President Polyester, EP Blingermeyer has begun to recruit some individuals to go to Earth to deal with President Tinkle...simply to help us. (Terra is kind of incredulous that Earth could vote for something like that without the Toxic Waste dumps used by Polyester, and TC's jokes about Meth aside, these people just....wow.) But there are other ways that it manifests.
One of them is the Candy King, once absconded to Outer Fairy and changed in all kinds of interesting ways, given knowledge and secrets about how to make sugar and confections that defied imagining. He rescued a tribe of Orange Dwarves from a hidden island in the North Sea and had them build a most magical Factory. He's known throughout the world and at one point opened his reclusive compound to a select group of seven children. Those that weren't eaten were given a life time supply...you get the idea.
What's fascinating is how much Emmit has begun looking at this story lately. I think he's planning on some kind of poem like he did with Odysseus and Fenris. Lovely subject matter but the Candy King is not quite as...whimsical as his Terran counter part. I'm not sure people will appreciate all the blood and a graphic description of what really happened to those children that failed the test.
One of them is the Candy King, once absconded to Outer Fairy and changed in all kinds of interesting ways, given knowledge and secrets about how to make sugar and confections that defied imagining. He rescued a tribe of Orange Dwarves from a hidden island in the North Sea and had them build a most magical Factory. He's known throughout the world and at one point opened his reclusive compound to a select group of seven children. Those that weren't eaten were given a life time supply...you get the idea.
What's fascinating is how much Emmit has begun looking at this story lately. I think he's planning on some kind of poem like he did with Odysseus and Fenris. Lovely subject matter but the Candy King is not quite as...whimsical as his Terran counter part. I'm not sure people will appreciate all the blood and a graphic description of what really happened to those children that failed the test.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
[Script] Hot Tin Lizzie Goes Up and Out - Page 1
Scene - Lizzie is working on a something in her garage.
Voice Over: Hi. I'm Lizzie. I'm working on a space ship.
Lizzie reaches for something deep inside of the machine and grunts.
Voice Over: Why? Well, in 2045 in the deep of Appalacia, a woman my age has three choices; get Joyed, go west or go up. And not many people go up these days. The Greaters have put a mine field two hundred miles wide that goes all the way from the Great South Wall to the Great North Wall. No thanks.
Lizzie screams with mild frustration as some oil splashes her on the face.
Voice Over: And I like sex too much to be joyed. I don't sleep around, but its my choice. Daddy moved us out here for a reason.
Lizzie stops, pensive, looking out the garage as she grabs a rag and rubs her eye.
Voice Over: Daddy. He isn't what he used to be. He's a good man but Noma has him wrapped around her little finger. He was just so lonely after Mama left.
Voice Over: Hi. I'm Lizzie. I'm working on a space ship.
Lizzie reaches for something deep inside of the machine and grunts.
Voice Over: Why? Well, in 2045 in the deep of Appalacia, a woman my age has three choices; get Joyed, go west or go up. And not many people go up these days. The Greaters have put a mine field two hundred miles wide that goes all the way from the Great South Wall to the Great North Wall. No thanks.
Lizzie screams with mild frustration as some oil splashes her on the face.
Voice Over: And I like sex too much to be joyed. I don't sleep around, but its my choice. Daddy moved us out here for a reason.
Lizzie stops, pensive, looking out the garage as she grabs a rag and rubs her eye.
Voice Over: Daddy. He isn't what he used to be. He's a good man but Noma has him wrapped around her little finger. He was just so lonely after Mama left.
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Kinds of Changlings
The practice of Fae folk nabbing hapless mortals is as old as Fae itself, which is to say, older than time. But there are a lot of different kinds of changlings. The most 'classic' example of someone from Fae stealing a human child and replacing it with a Fae to be raised as their own is the most widely known and also occurred but even then, there are different kinds of replacements.
Inner Fae: Sometimes the royals would hide a member of a royal house to be raised as their own among the common folk. Before the Great Sealing, this happened all the time, and in most of the fairy tales where the royal was raised by common folk, that actually occurred on Terra, not in Inner Fae. Inner Fae was fantastically dangerous, and most common folk had at least a little magic not the least of which, how to tell if someone had stolen their child and replaced it with a noble. To be clear, most common folk before High King Fiddleback were more than happy to have a royal take one of their children or lie with their daughter (or son) since it was a chance at great wealth down the line.
Middle Fae: This is what most people think of as Fae. These enchanted children never return while the fae eventually finds out what it is and makes its way to the other side of the veil. Humans make great servants for Fae because they are so easily enchanted and controlled, and usually the combined contracts, treaties and inter tribal rivalries give even the lowest dew drop pixie rights that a human simply does not have. At least a Terran that is, since some kinds of fae ascribe rights to the inhabitants of Inner Fae.
Outer Fae: This strange and chaotic place is pure magic. Humans taken here are often simply incapable of dealing with or understanding reality when they return to it. God help any family that hosts a creature from Outer Fae. Ever see the Children of the Corn? That's a mild case at best.
It Never Happened: One of the cruelest tricks played by the Fae is simply to implant a suspicion that their own child has been replaced when no such substition ever occurred. This is done very often to those who abuse guest right or are ungracious hosts. It is particually reserved for those that call them satanic in some form or another.
One Baby For Another: Sometimes Fae just like to change children for other children. This is a particular favorite of theirs with next door neighbors, where, as the child ages large, incredibly stupid males think that their women have been unfaithful.
Inner Fae: Sometimes the royals would hide a member of a royal house to be raised as their own among the common folk. Before the Great Sealing, this happened all the time, and in most of the fairy tales where the royal was raised by common folk, that actually occurred on Terra, not in Inner Fae. Inner Fae was fantastically dangerous, and most common folk had at least a little magic not the least of which, how to tell if someone had stolen their child and replaced it with a noble. To be clear, most common folk before High King Fiddleback were more than happy to have a royal take one of their children or lie with their daughter (or son) since it was a chance at great wealth down the line.
Middle Fae: This is what most people think of as Fae. These enchanted children never return while the fae eventually finds out what it is and makes its way to the other side of the veil. Humans make great servants for Fae because they are so easily enchanted and controlled, and usually the combined contracts, treaties and inter tribal rivalries give even the lowest dew drop pixie rights that a human simply does not have. At least a Terran that is, since some kinds of fae ascribe rights to the inhabitants of Inner Fae.
Outer Fae: This strange and chaotic place is pure magic. Humans taken here are often simply incapable of dealing with or understanding reality when they return to it. God help any family that hosts a creature from Outer Fae. Ever see the Children of the Corn? That's a mild case at best.
It Never Happened: One of the cruelest tricks played by the Fae is simply to implant a suspicion that their own child has been replaced when no such substition ever occurred. This is done very often to those who abuse guest right or are ungracious hosts. It is particually reserved for those that call them satanic in some form or another.
One Baby For Another: Sometimes Fae just like to change children for other children. This is a particular favorite of theirs with next door neighbors, where, as the child ages large, incredibly stupid males think that their women have been unfaithful.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)