Wednesday, December 27, 2023


"I have just beem informed that that asshole  Rhombus Ticks has beem plaguarizing mot work on Poetizer...minsult him as often as possible." Emmit Other

"I have just been informed that asshole, Emmit Other has been plagaurizing my work on Pietizer.  Insult me as often as Possible." Rhombus Ticks

Monday, December 25, 2023

[Poem] Bleep Christmas

We live in a time of too much bleep
And we wake this morining and unwrap our bleep
Despite the raging bleep
I choke down some bleep and bleep it away.
So I stumble downstairs for some eggnog
And add the special bleep sauce
And the bleep finally goes away too
Then I look at my terrified families eyes
As they saw me dreal with the bleep and the bleep
"Well enjoy the bleep show you bleeping vleeps!"

Saturday, December 23, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - The End

Someone thought a Banana Peel

On the roof





















The smell didnt really take 

Until April Fools

Thanks to Christmas Magic

They found a dead collocated Santa

In Over a Million Homes










[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - The Horn of Christmas Valere

Ghosts of Christmas Present

Live during the day

They start out vibrant and healthful

And end up salt and pepper Gray

One day is all they get

Spending their whole magic to induce Christmas wonder

They die content

Their essence spent

Then their being is torn Christmas Asunder

So I sent the Far Knight

On quite the Quest

As far and as wide as the Blue Rook Could Go

To Find The Horn of Christmas Valere

And bring it to Terra to Blow

Like the Wheel of Time

It summons the dead

But it brings not the Heroes of the Horn

Instead my friends

It allows Christmas Amends

From the Christmas Ghosts that had been Torn

Now on Christmas Eve Eve

They have a rock tockin good time

To counter the grouches of Festivus

I love that grouch day

But today Good Cheer is the way

In a mass joygasm Christmas jam most sublime.

Friday, December 22, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Liminal Christmas

Christmas is now

Christmas is now

Christmas is now

The Family Guy episode

Where he slams the door

On the modern Mary and Joseph is all true

Be generous

Be kind

Be courageous

Now is the time

Now is always the time

To wake up

And be better.

In the ancient past

Perceiving spiritual beings was the first skill we learned

Channeling was the second

The play's the thing

The Greeks were not the only culture

To believe in the sacred fury of this ritual

Actors channel the spirit of that which they become

Gods or otherwise

Let us channel Christmas all our lives

The spirit of intelligent pragmatic courageous generosity

Feel the Christmas Force flow within you

It binds all Christmas things together

It both guides your actions

And responds to your commands

Be one with the Tinsel.

Christmas is now.

Christmas is living.

Christmas is Loving.

Every culture and tradition

Has some kind of holiday this time of year.

Be kind.



Thats Blockbuster

Be kind.

Just do it.


Be all that you can be.


Be kind.

Dont be a fucking jerk.

Thats it.

Be kind.

Thursday, December 21, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Christmas Future Tense

What does the Ghost of Christmas Future fear?

As we drift into the corridors of possible tomorrows

We see empty hallways of silent doom

Whole wings and branches of Humanity's future lie silent

For a being who stretches into every possible future


Every possible future Christmas

There are thousands upon millions

More every day

Of silent Christmases

You cannot Scrooge the Dead

You cannot give more chances

When there are no more Christmases to give

No spirit is all powerful

No matter what the religious say

Every supernatural being has rules that limit them

Without exception

And to terrify and redeem

There must be some redemption to be had

And the Drunk Conductors of Humanity

Want to either decrease the surplus population

With sex clones and robot Butlers

Or increase the population until we are kept Rabbits

But this is Christmas

So we hired Diego Del Fuego's Time Traveling Mariachi Band

To show up once a Christmas in every possible future

Throwing a Christmas Party for the poor dude

Any lingering supernatural beings are invited

Flickering out like stars in the sky

As even the ghosts fade and move on

And the uplifted bears and raccoons cant sustain belief

In worlds where heat death kills everything 

Except Cockroaches Bacteria and Self Breeding Twinkies

So for a few thousand years its a Christmas Jamboree

Gods and Fairies and Santa do egg nog

With the Easter Bunny and Skeleton Jack

But eventually

Its just the Ghost of Christmas Future and Death

And of course Emmit Other

Making Morbid Poems

Until eventually 

Its just Death and an empty tear stained robe

No one left to Scrooge

No one left

Except Death

Who turns the lights out 

Until the Cockroach Men and Ant Men War

Millions of Years Later