Tuesday, August 11, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 11

CONTINUED: 11. FREIGHT That’s not fair! JUDGE Actually its very fair. Its more fair than your justice. FREIGHT I do not. JUDGE No thank you. Do either of you have anything to say in your defense? AARON Fuck you. KENDRA I’m with Aaron. Fuck you. JUDGE Is that your final word? KENDRA Fuck you (beat) Your honor. JUDGE I hereby find Aaron Plantain and Kendra Kargo guilty of the crimes leveraged against them. They are both sentenced together to fifteen years on the nearest penal colony to repay their debt to society. Freight Kasniket, you have found a technicality in the law, and are thus exempt from prosecution, but because you encouraged others to help in your unethical defense we are going to add another year to your crew mate’s sentences to discourage others from behaving in a similar fashion. FREIGHT What? That’s not fair. JUDGE You are losers in a virtuous war. It is not your right to determine what is or isn’t fair. And, on a personal note, yes (MORE) (CONTINUED)

Monday, August 10, 2015

Mr Right and Mr. Kind

I have often listened to unusual stories in my travels, and when I was in New Orleans I heard a fascinating tale that is difficult to relay in its exactitude, simply due to the magnificent fact that I am an observer but not a teller of tales.  Indeed, the National Story Teller's convention is one of the premier events in the nation.  It is similar in size to that of your own, but vastly most important in ours.  Story Telling is an art, and quite frankly one I pick up only given my hefts and shadows of your world.

I could go on, but that's not the point.  I want to share it while it is still fresh in my mind, or at least the start.

There are two mice, technically three mice but third only looms like a shadow unseen.  Mr Right, Mr Kind and Mr Necessary.

Mr Kind is beloved by all, for he is always kind.  Indeed, I must admit that it was the knowledge of this character that had me choose the superpower I mentioned in the Letters to Rhombus section I mentioned earlier.  There is not a mean bone in Mr Kind's body.  He cares how everyone feels and works as hard as he can to do good to his fellow man, always at his own expense.  Everyone loves Mr. Kind, and he is regarded fondly.  Sometimes, black hearted souls will have a bit of fun at Mr. Kind's expense, but there is always a tongue lashing from those who truly love him and respect him.  These foul vagrants are few and far between.  At least as if you would hear Mr. Kind tell of it.  Mr Kind's associates might think that the number twere a bit higher in point of fact, since Mr Kind is not merely kind, but exceptionally so, and it is an unfit thing that Mr. Kind is not not in a kind world, but generosity does meet generosity and despite deprivations, Mr. Kind is fed a constant stream of good deeds, and gets by, not the least of which is his brother.

Mr Right is an upstanding fellow.  He is not, per se, a pillar of the community, for he has neither the affability of Mr. Kind nor the predestination of luck or station that would make him a leader of mice, but he does have a charisma and flare that allow him to be taken seriously in any circle in which he may find himself.   His ambition and his determination have made him wealthy and stable, and he often uses these things in the aid of his less fortunate brother.  For you see Mr Right desperately wishes that he were Mr. Kind, but knows he cannot be so.  Mr. Right has certain things that prevent this, among the which is his propensity for being Right.  Hence his name.  Being right has its rewards, for it gives a certain certainty and understanding of people and events and the world to come, but it also has scars that few can see.  It is important, to note, gentle reader, that the right that Mr. Right is is ACTUALLY right, not pretends to be right.  A mouse cannot find himself in a situation of being right without correcting himself as early and as often as one need be.  And in the beginning, when one starts down the path of being right, or doing what is right, or standing for the right, one often finds more often than not that so long as one is willing to give up the the comfort of lies, one can see what is in the world and what must be.  In some circles of thought this is Wisdom, but being Right is a much harsher thing than Wisdom.  Many or any can have wisdom, but Right is applied Wisdom, often almost compulsively so, but no one will ever thank you for it.  No one will say, "Terwhilickers, I am so glad Mr. Right is right about that!"  Few care about the truth, fewer still care about the ultimate truth or honor of a situation.  And the truth is often unkind.  Mr Right helps Mr. Kind, and Mr. Kind helps Mr. Right to avoid becoming Mr. Necessary.

Neither say much about their third brother.  He is never seen, for he would never allow it.  Mr. Right, it is said by neighbors and relations, once started out as delightful as Mr. Kind.  Mr. Kind and Mr Right were both gentle souls, but Mr. Right saw that something must be done and went about taking action, either directly or indirectly advocating that folks follow the right path.  As I said, eventually Mr. Right ended up Right almost all the time...but the whittling down and harshness of this part by doing what is Necessary became somewhat if not almost entirely unkind.  But Mr. Necessary never hesitated.  And he is not always right, though he frequently consults his brother, Mr. Right, to ensure that his actions are justified.  Can you imagine what Mr. Necessary might think is Necessary?  The end of that cat, irrespective of its owner's sadness at its loss, the destruction of that cheese factory because it might be used to trap mice along the way?  Vast and impressive are the talents of Mr. Necessary.  He terrifies the children of the village it is sure, and Mr Necessary is out there, keeping the wicked in check...he does good of a sort, but no one loves him, everyone hates him and any constable worth his salt will see Mr. Necessary in irons...if they catch him.

An interesting three they are.  I have been assured by the teller of the tale at the small gathering that they have many adventures, implying a whole book worth, but I only got this snippet..I found it fascinating.  But I must ask you gentle neighbor, which brother would you be? What good is being Right when you are unkind? What good is doing what you deem Necessary if you are not Right in the action of it?  I think there is a moral there, and it is clear for me to see that being all three; Right and Kind and Necessary may be possible in a saint, but for the likes of those of who are mortal  (and I assure you dear reader, fictional though I may be, I am quite mortal...even more so than TC) we have to pick and choose.

I choose kind.  I would be a friend and have friends.  I am content with that.  Until later.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Interview W Julia


Interview w Julia Ricks, wife of quasi deceased podcast founder T.C. Ricks on the day of her last class in Librarian School.


Check out this episode!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 10

CONTINUED: 10. FREIGHT I think I have something here. JUDGE Really? FREIGHT Alright, according to your own laws, we have 30 days for adjustment and recentering, whatever that means. JUDGE Yes. What of it? FREIGHT Well according to my reckoning, you only implemented your new smuggling standards three weeks ago, right? JUDGE (cautiously)Yes. FREIGHT So that violates this law here that gives a minimum period of readjustment. JUDGE (reluctantly) Yes. FREIGHT So....we’re free then, right? JUDGE You are, yes. FREIGHT Wait. What? JUDGE Your crew is being charged with obstruction of justice. FREIGHT What?! JUDGE Aaron destroyed evidence. Kendra tried to lie for you by stalling just now. (CONTINUED)

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 9

CONTINUED: 9. JUDGE Ignorance of the law is no defense. Your ship’s log shows you had more than adequate preparation to know about the proper jurisdiction. KENDRA That doesn’t mean anything. Freight flips through the laws. He starts flipping at random and then gazes in the index. FREIGHT (WHISPERING) Stall! JUDGE Yes it does. KENDRA What do you mean? JUDGE It means, as far as we’re concerned, the fact that you knew how harsh our laws are means you can’t use ignorance as a defense. You can’t even use it as a mitigating circumstance. KENDRA But (interrupted) JUDGE Did I mention we have very sophisticated microphones? We can hear anything you say. KENDRA Crap. JUDGE Stalling only makes your case look worse. FREIGHT WAIT! JUDGE (sighs) Yes? (CONTINUED)

Monday, August 3, 2015

Bridge To Nowhere

As I watch the planes fly overhead and the tanks rumble down I-10 toward the Texas Nation.  Operation Jade Spear and Magic Helmet is moving to keep migrating Texans from stumbling over the border looking for work.  But I don't want to talk about Politics...God knows that's pointless and boring...you get what you vote for...

But I do admire the conviction in the young men's faces.  They're so determined to keep the union together for another twenty years until Texas decides it doesn't want to be a state again.  But I nearly served in Operation Distraction, literally thirty minutes from the draft. Yeah, Vietnam sucked for you guys, but at least the got rid of the draft over there.

The thing that I have to ponder as I sit on top of the railing on the Bridge between Loisiana and Texas as you see Petuniaville sprawling out to the East, sprawling as far as the eye can see, billowing fumes of every color of a demented electric Ozian rainbow flowing up into a chartruse and vomit emerald sky.  There's no fire quite like an oil fire, and for those rare portals to fiction in the sky you can see (if you know how to look) the choking faces of giants and genies and Pegasus as they try not to breath in the burning blood of the Earth.

It's hell.  War is hell of course but this is something else again.  Ring after ring ripples in the heat, distorting ten as the tanks drive by.  Every third vehicle is a tanker since the enemy is known to cut supply lines (given the rather ineffective weaponry they have compared to a modern militiary.)  Texas is the most armed nation on Earth...but by treaty they don't have anything manufactured (legally) after 1910....oops?

When I look at the Bridge in the Bayou, I see a bridge everywhere, worlds of hope and terror with possibilities and adventure  I have generally been too cowardly to take.  When I look at the Bridge over the River, a see a bridge to nowhere...going nowhere with no hope.  There won't be any lasting change, not when people don't want it.  What is the point of war? It is mankind's most destructive endevor.

I take swig from my flask, once again considering the dramatis personae potential of lighting a cigarette I wouldn't smoke, or even a lollipop Kojak style.  But I shrug and begin to walk down, passing the occasional straggler, walking slowly after the tanks.  Even in this era there are Camp Followers, that curious ecology of war that depend on destructionfor existance. Its a bit like an oasis in the desert in a sick sort of way.

Until later.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Letters to Rhombus


Rhombus answers some letters from fictional people. Questions.


Check out this episode!

Thursday, July 30, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 8

CONTINUED: 8. JUDGE I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. FREIGHT Well, it would be nice. JUDGE I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. FRIEGHT I demand a lawyer. JUDGE Demand denied. FREIGHT Your laws are totally different than ours. How am I supposed to defend myself? My crew? JUDGE Unlike your laws, ours are simple enough that anyone can understand them. FREIGHT Well can I have like....a chance to read them? A door opens up. A very large man in armor comes in and sets a large book of laws about the side of a hardback novel onto the table. All three jump backwards in shock. FREIGHT What the hell?! Can I get a stay to read it. JUDGE No. FREIGHT Well can I read it now? JUDGE Yes. Freight nods and proceeds to read the law. KENDRA Really? We can’t take time to read the new laws? (CONTINUED)

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 7

CONTINUED: 7. FREIGHT (QUIETLY) fuck. ACT 1 SCENE 2 SCENE INTERIOR – NIGHT – CONFEDERATION COURT The scene is rather stark. A single white marblish bench lies in the center of the room with a light shining down upon it. The court, and the judge is shown in shadow off to the side so that their identity can be properly concealed. There are no papers of any kind on the bench. Just the three defendants, all dressed in stark white robes which glare in the reflection of the light that shines down upon them. JUDGE We find you guilty. How do you plead? KENDRA Real cool. Guilty until proven innocent? JUDGE The weight in your case is overwhelming. FREIGHT Look, this was all just a big misunderstanding. JUDGE Oh? FREIGHT That’s right. JUDGE I think this unlikely, but you are permitted a defense. FREIGHT Well, basically that cargo was placed on our ship by someone else against our knowledge. JUDGE So someone else just put it there? FREIGHT That’s right. (CONTINUED)

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Grenademan vs the Zombies - Chapter 9


Jarvi starts the actual factual apocalypse with blood and snark zombies.

Written by TC Ricks

Performed by Rhombus Ticks

Text edited by Fiona Skye

Sound edited by Grayson Bergmann


Check out this episode!

Friday, July 24, 2015

Thursday, July 23, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 6

CONTINUED: 6. AARON I’m on it! Aaron runs to the back. SCENE INT – HALL – DAY Aaron runs through the corridors of the Margaret. SCENE INT – CARGO BAY – DAY Aaron runs into a chamber with a lot of doors and pulls open a door. He takes a container of fuel and pours it on the silvery packets and lights them. SCENE EXT – SPACE – NIGHT The Margaret slows down. A large Confed warship pulls up behind them and unleashes grappling cables. SCENE INT – BRIDGE OF THE MARGARET FREIGHT Kendra, is there anything we can do to ditch these guys? KENDRA I’ll see what I can do but.... SCENE INT – CARGO BAY – DAY Welding lights appear on the wall of the Margret’s Cargo hold. AARON Uh. Guys. I think we’re breached. SCENE INT – BRIDGE – DAY FREIGHT FUCK! Freight slides down in the captain’s chair and puts his hands on his head, trying to think. (CONTINUED)

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 5

CONTINUED: 5. KENDRA I dunno. I hear they’re awfully fast. AARON I hear they’re inhumanly fast. FREIGHT Didn’t they just fight a while big war about that? Look, they’re human. Humans are humans. AI’s are human. Genemods are human. Now THAT kind of talk will get you in trouble. Just chill OK? KENDRA Something on the sensors. Freight appears slightly nervous. FREIGHT What is it? KENDRA Can’t tell. AARON FUCK! FREIGHT What is it? AARON It’s a warship! FREIGHT They found us?! KENDRA They found us. FREIGHT Dump the cargo. KENDRA No time. They’re too close. Freight stands up and moves back and forth nervously. FREIGHT Burn it. Burn the worst stuff. We can’t get it all but we can avoid the death sentence. (CONTINUED)

Monday, July 20, 2015

Letters to Rhombus

So from time to time I get some fan mail.  It's interesting and fun stuff. I'm glad to be able to work on it, because it gives me a chance to connect with people.  We have a facebook page and you can hear the email to contact us with on the podcast.  To keep things interesting, I won't disclose which reality which is from.

Q: Dear Rhombus, what podcasts do you listen to?

Good question. In my reality I listen to Mixamax, Got Dirt? And the Ernest P Blingameyer Mint Chandalier Variety Hour and Salon of Doom show.

In your reality, Reckless Peril with Berny Clarke is fun, when it broadcasts Naked City Atlanta and Write Club Atlanta...I also liken to Welcome to Nightvale, This American Life and Serial. Those guys on How Stuff Works are a blast.

Q: What do you like to read?

Well, obviously anything by TC, Emmit Other, or Redwin Tursor.  Or myself :D

But I also like Fiona Skye and Jack Babylon.  Jim Butcher, Terry Patchet, Niel Gaimon, Roger Zelzazny and I even like Martin but let me tell you as a fictional character that guy terrifies me.  Neil Stephson is pretty amazing too.

Q: If you could visit anywhere you wanted, where would you go?

Places in both realities that I'd love to visit includes France, London, Japan, Egypt (if it were safe), Peru and Argentina.  Some fictional places include Psuedo Texas, Metropolis, The Library of Alexandria preserved, Amber, and maybe Diagonally.  Bravos might be fun for TC but I'd be too afraid of being killed.

Q: What do you plan to write?

Well, I think I have an idea about some of the  fairy tales in Miami that might be interesting, and then beyond that TC story idea list is pretty  impressive, so I'll be looking at the best of those but of course with  my own twist.

Q: If you could have any super power, what would it be?

TC's answer was more conventional; Wish Granting or Teleportation.  Me? I'd choose super kindness.  The world needs so much more of it. I'm not  sure how it would work, but I'm flexible.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Just the Bumpers


We're still working on getting our process down but we do now have permanent bumpers and a single episode in the can which is being edited.  We should be back to our regular style of programming next week.

If you can call anything we do regular.


Check out this episode!

Neat Interview re: Grenademan Vs the Zombies on Writer's Interviews Here

Here.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 4

CONTINUED: 4. FREIGHT AND YOU SHUT UP. We all know you’re a Cthulhu worshiper. AARON Cultist Orthodox twice reformed. KENDRA If you took better care of the ship (beat) You need to take better care of the ship. FREIGHT You think I don’t know that, but after this run we’ll be just fine. KENDRA Freight...about this run.... FREIGHT Yeah yeah yeah. We’ve all heard about how nasty the Confed is. Look, they’re not gods. Just genetically modified. Besides, after this, we’ll move on to safer parts. KENDRA I still say we dump the cargo. This stuff is dangerous. This stuff could be used to make illegal AI’s. Slave AI’s. FREIGHT Can’t do that if you want to fix the ship. KENDRA Can’t fix the ship if we’re on Shitworld. Aaron stops smiling. AARON Fucking don’t talk about Shitworld. Dude. Its seriously bad luck. Like major bad mojo. FREIGHT RELAX. We’ll be fine. We’re almost there. The Confed hasn’t even finished setting things up since they won. (CONTINUED)

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

[Script] Unfood - Page 3

CONTINUED: 3. AARON GOD! WHY OH WHY Have thou forsaken us? FREIGHT You idiot. He laughs and punches Aaron’s shoulder. AARON It is true lord, I am an idiot. Wouldst the thou take that into consideration in the repair of our ship? A spontaneous miracle? Kendra smirks amused but doesn’t join in with the laughing. She points to the left. KENDRA You know Sol is about that way. If you’re looking for God, he’s probably there. AARON God is everywhere. KENDRA So is his Noodliness. AARON BLASPHEME. KENDRA Right back at you. All stare and look at each other for a moment and then break into laughter, Aaron first, then Freight, then finally Kendra. A small alarm beeps. Kendra examines a sensor log. She shakes her head. KENDRA Another chunk of the ship just blew off. FREIGHT GOD DAMN IT! AARON Forgive him lord, he knows not what he says. (CONTINUED)