Swamp Castle - Dietötungderkünstlermachtdasglücklichekleinebäumemitdemglücklichenkleinenschnurrbartenstein

Franz tells his younger self to kill a Time Traveling Goebels who is going to hire him in the future.  Franz does this but his problems only start then.  

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[Script] Grenademan Vs The Zombies - Act 1, Scene 3

 Scene 3 

Back at the bunker, Ashley and Kevin enter the stage with Doc, Barbara and Smite.

Kevin: Hey Doc, we got here as soon as we could.

Ashley: What’s up?

(beat) Everyone looks at Ashley in an awkward silence.

Doc: Anyway…yeah, we might have all done something really dumb.

Kevin: Define dumb.

Doc: Jarvi might have learned to do some real magic.

Kevin: Seriously? This isn’t a practical joke is it?

Barbara: (Motioning to the dead bodies) Does this LOOK like a joke?

Ashley: Jesus, they smell.

Smite: Dead bodies tend to do that.

Doc: Right, so real magic might mean Jarvi was serious about the Zombie apocalypse

Smite: I don’t get you.

Kevin: Dude, remember, Jarvi is insane.

Ashley: And creepy.  Do you remember the way he stared at me at game night?

Doc: We’re getting off track.

Kevin: Maybe we should have invested in his start up. That’s really what this is about.

Barbara: Fuck that little fuck.  Some of us don’t have disposable income like that.

Smite: I know I don’t.

Doc: We’re getting off track.

Kevin: Define ‘on track’ in a situation like this Doc?

[Script] Grenademan Vs the Zombies - Act 1, Scene 2

 Grenademan is in the void, blank between worlds.

Narrator: (Off State) Between the worlds came a champion.  Jarvi didn’t know it yet, but he was enlisted in a powerful proxy contest between two great powers, Order and Chaos, gaming against each other from world to world and age to age.

Order: Frank Noble, you have agreed to be my champion.

Grenademan: I DO NOT KNOW WHO THIS FRANK IS OF WHOM YOU SPEAK.

Order: I can literally read your mind, your ‘secret identity’ is meaningless to me.  I have a destination for you.

Grenademan: WHERE ARE THE FORCES OF EVIL THAT I MIGHT SMITE THEM.

Order: Forces of Chaos in this case are indeed quite evil by your standards.  Your mission is to protect the humans known as the Band of the Orc’s heads; peers in their own game group who have wagered life and death with each other in the old way.  My brother and I approve.

Grenadman: I SHALL STOP THE FORCES OF EVIL FROM SMITING THESE MIGHTY HEROES.

Order: See that you do…(voice fades) See that you do.

Swamp Castle - Curse Breaker

A young woman helps her father build air rifles that will end the curse planted by fire mages that makes guns illegal.

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[Script] Grenademan Vs the Zombies - Act 1, Scene 1 - Continued

 Doc: That’s not the point.

Jarvi: What is the point then?

Doc: You dug up a bunch of dead bodies and laid them out on my property.

Jarvi: I did NOT dig up-

Smite: Come off it.

Jarvi: Pay up.  

Doc: Did they get into the bunker?

Jarvi: No.

Doc: Then I don’t see what there is to talk about.  He picks up the phone and says, “You guys won’t believe what Jarvi did.”

Jarvi: I can’t believe you think I just dug them up.

Smite: Jarvi, you would do ANYTHING to prove you’re right.

Jarvi: I AM right.

Smite: No you aren’t.

Doc: (on phone) Yeah, the whole hill is covered with bodies.

Barbara: I can’t believe you did this to my aunt.

Jarvi: I didn’t DO anything to her, she was just there when I cast the spell.

Smite: Shut up

Jarvi: Make me.  Come over here and make me, assault.

Smite: I will piglet.

Jarvi’s eyes glow and he floats up into the air a moment as wind rushes the stage.

Jarvi: You and what army.  

Smite: You think I’m intimidated by a wire and a few cheap tricks? 

Doc: Now….hold on a second here Smite.

Smite: Double or nothing.

Jarvi: What?

Smite: You heard me, DOUBLE OR NOTHING.  You say we can’t survive the zombie apocalypse? Double or nothing.

Jarvi: I accept

Barbs: Now wait just a second.

Doc: Stop this Jarvi.  Right now.

Jarvi: Do you all accept?

Doc: I do.

Smite: I do

Barbs: What are you all talking about? (picks up the phone) Hello police?

Doc (on the phone) You guys agree as well? (beat) Yeah, they’re in.  Now cut the crap Jarvi.

Jarvi: Your terms are…accepted.

Lights dim.

Jarvi leaves.

Lights go up.

There is silence from the group.  (Beat)

Doc: (On the phone) You guys better get down here….

[Script[ Grenademan Vs the Zombies - Act 1, Scene 1 Continued

 Doc, Barb and Smite emerge from the bunker.

Doc: That was refreshing

Smite: Nothing like a good night’s sleep

Barb: The damn song is stuck in my head

Smite: Sorry not sorry

Jarvi: How in the hell could you people ignore the pounding on the door?

Doc: Very carefully with ear plugs (beat).. what the fuck is this?

Smite: Pretty nice fx but not worth the budget

Barb: Is...is that my AUNT?

Doc: (checks a body) You dug up REAL dead bodies Jarvi? We need to call the police

Jarvi: I didn't dig up anything I used real magic

Smite: Yeah right

Jarvi: Want me to prove it doughboy?

Doc: Calm down, Jarvi no one is calling you a liar but the dead bodies are a step too far

Jarvi: Where else am I supposed to get real zombies from?

Swamp Castle - Mr Hamburger

Ham didnt understand why he was being tried thousands of years in the future for eating a hamburger.  He was some kind of symbol and the penalty for failure was death.  Only the trial in this case was more bizarre and personal than he could imagine.

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