[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Sugar Ants

Ants kove sugar, OK?

Thats a given but for ecologies to work

Something has to fill vital and oft overlooked rolls

What happens to tru ks dropped in the Candy Cane forest?

Sugar ants

Ants made of sugar and covered in chocolate

They consume sugar

And are  a natural pest in the Elf world

When they swarm whole crops can be lost

Only consumed by the ant eating Penguin

Found only in The North Poll

Bred specifically from South pole stock

They will fuck up your picnic

Man

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Elf Street Knife Fight

Suburbia is what many consider normal

Leave it to Beaver Andy Griffith Audry from Little Shop of Horrors

Civilization Six has the Chutzpah to call

The Neighborhood an Advancement of Civilization

Rather than a Blight and Carbon Killer

But for good or ill

Its most peoples definition

of 

Normal.

Every year Emerald Oaks had a conflict of kitschy

A rumble of the remedial

Where everyone tried to cover ever square foot of their yard

With inflatable Christmas vomit

Keeping up with the Joneses

At night it was undeniably pretty in the electric wonderland

By day it was the Vomitorium of Used Car Dealerships

Cars drove up in huge numbers to see the homes

Carbon slowly killing those fucking elves

Who didnt give me that toy I wanted last year

Die elves die

Anyway...

Until now Old Man Withers had kept to his house

Lights off shades drawn

Not so much Grinch as Misanthrope

But two things changed in 2023

One, Bob Cratcheti, had an easement on his property by an inch

Two  he had to stop taking his meds for his heart

So Mr Withers had a tendency to....

 Take things to extremes

The night before the final day of contest judgement

While everyone else was asleep

He drove a wrecking ball

And destroyed his house

And used his years as a contractor

With some help from some friends

Reading the fine print of the rules in the HOA

The only way to have more Kitsch per square foot

Was to add more to the yard

So his five million dollar home

Was replaced by a Tiny Home

And the rest was the International Clearance Yard of Crap

 He had to redo the electrical junction six times

Planes informed the local airport of the navigation hazard

Santa had to put on sunglasses and nearly crashed

(that fucker....)

Mr Withers Won

And then had his house foreclosed by the HOA

For fine after fine after fine

But he was just fine with that

Because he smashed that damn trophy

Carried from year to year

And sent pieces baked into meatloaf

For all his former neighboors

And sailed into the sunset

Until he got eaten by sharks nine years later

The sharks found him gamey and bitter

Very very bitter.

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Family Ties

Before the pernicious family killer

That was Zuckerfuck Fuckbook

People still found analog ways for family feuds

They still found Christmas

The best time of the year to come together

And invent reasons to hate each other

Oh yes

The magick of Christmas laquers and liquors this friction

But it also super turbines it

I have seen parents rift children

And siblings split in twain

All for some tinsel

And some religious bigots refrain

Heed my warning ye who harken

This a time of year

Where blood can spill with loved ones

More than merry cheer

Take herd my friend

And remember who you love

Else your next Christmas may be alone

Your hopes snuffed out by an assassin's leather glove

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Honorable Ancestors

Do you really think it a coincidence

That the story that started it all

Involved Christmas ghosts?

Before Christmas, before Mithras, before Saturnalia

We saw the stars and marked them

With no mote than sticks and caves and fire

They could still count the days

Notch them and mark them

And celebrate and fear the darkest night

Before all Hallows eve

There was the Darkest Night

And the great unknown of those we only knew

In Song and Story

All the way back

To Mitochondrial Eve

We are all on family

One blood

One tiny world in an infinity of space trapped light

Reach out 

And touch the cheek of those who came

And know you will join them soon enough

Eat Drink and Be Merry

For The Ghost of Christmas Future comes for all

And be remembered for what you have done

Not what might have been

Not what might have been

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Bus Full of Orphans

Seriously?

Pericuolo Narr turned into a human

And saw a bus full of Orphans

That was surrounded on four sides

Dangling on the bridge pinned in

By men with mirrorshades and machine guns

And four plucky idiots with slingshots

Who were holding their own

Six x of the guys with mirror shades

Were acting like  they were on LSD

It was Christmas Eve

Where the fuck were the cops?

It was a slow attention

One of the kids was wounded

In swoops Peri

Obfuscated lile the City Gangrel he is

And he bites one of the mirror shades

And coleslaws two more with celerity

They aim their fire at him

And he turns to mist and obfuscated

They are looking outward now not inward

Peri bides his time

While the mirror shades panic

And the kids use more LSD

Peri attacks again and again

Eventually Peti thinks the coos are coming

Only for a helicopter full of Iteration X cyborgs to swoop in

Seriously?

Then Peri remembers its fucking Christmas Eve

Santa owes him a favor

Peti makes a call

The cyborgs see him 

And can shoot the mist with incendiary rounds

THROUGH THE FUCKING BRIDGE

And he thinks its over

Only like a fucking comet

The mage changeling swoops down from the sky

And a pillar of sunlight

Turns the cyborgs to lightning slag

And strangely doesnt burn him

The mirrorshades flee

And the kids 

Changelings all 

Are talen somewhere safe

Peri

To his eternal amusement is owed another favor 

Turns out there was an arch duke on the bus

A nine year old arch duke

Changelings

Eye toll

[Poem] Dead White Horse Redux

 by Emmit Other

Came a wind and a whisper

Any prophet worth his salt

Would know the time was now

The constitution hung by a thread

The Republicans wer in disarray

The Prophet of the Latter Day saints could have raised his hand

And told the LDS members of the GOP caucus

To side with the Democrats

Save Ukraine

Same America

Change parties

And

They didnt

Not the Prophet

Not Mitt Romney

Not any Romney

Not a one

A family more tied to the political destiny of this nation

Than any other LDS family in history

And not one has saved this country

Not even close

Nor saved the constitution

Not even close

Meanwhile

I hear tell

That the church paid money to a woman

To keep quiet about sexual harassment

You can buy anything in this world

With money

Ask a Saint

Ask any saint

They will tell you

You can buy anything in Satan's world with money

The church sure took that to heart

So heed this prophesy 

And heed it well

For it shall come to pass

No matter which way the winds blow

And the saints shall learn

That those with whom they ally themselves

Those of the Right

Those of the Reich

Those of the Rally

Are not their allies

And that they wish them harm

And that of the saints that serve Maga

Half are loyal to the Prophet

And Half are Loyal to Maga

And when the moment of mistruth comes

And the LDS Prophet does steer the saints

Even a molecule to the left

Blood shall flow

And one saint shall slay another

And neither side shall win

For both are losers

And already lost

And already lost

Forever.

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Festivus

It started as a joke

About an aluminum pole

And then they took that pole

And jammed it the gullet

Of the Tree Virus

That saw Christmas decorations on Labor Day

That saw religious entitled nazis

Think that everyone had to worship as they do

Like silver to werewolves

Aluminum has  become the cross to war Christmas Monsters

It sears their flesh and makes them cringe

It forces them to see the doublethink

That lets them believe in a God wbo is Mercy

Whilst worshipping an Orange Turd Bucket

Its a long month

Very long for those who are offended by religion in general

This oasis of fun in Vomit Green and Blood Red

Is a welcome respite from the storm