Grenademan Vs The Zombies Chapter 7 Part 1

Some begin to have doubts about the tactics within the town.  Humans being humans.

 

Written by T.C. Ricks, Read by Matt Franklin, Edited by Fiona Skye

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[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 75

CHAINSAW FRED

I can’t believe I’m asking this…but what about Frank? 

The Wizard

Ah yes, Frank-well, I thought long and hard about this, but I think I finally choose the perfect thing.

The Wizard gives Frank a fortune cookie.

GRENADEMAN

IS THIS A SUPER SECRET NINJA FORTUNE COOKIE? 

The Wizard

No, it is, I think a moment of clarity. Open it when you are at your darkest hour and read it. I think you’ll like the results. 

GRENADEMAN

OF COURSE CITIZEN WIZARD. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE IN FIGHTING THE FORCES OF EVIL. 

Inoria

Alright…all we need to find now is a

(interrupted)

 

Mr. Wizard and Wizard pull out a thick plush carpet 

Inoria

Right. Scruff people…scruff like you have never scruffed before! 

The four heroes proceed to scruff across the carpet, turning Frank’s cape inside out as they grab a hold of it. The lights flash again and the four vanish. 

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 74

Inoria

Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? 

Hawkqueen

And how exactly do we reverse the polarity on a CAPE? 

Mr. Wizard

Turn it inside out and then walk across a very thick plush carpet. The resulting static electricity should be sufficient to send you back to your home destination.

Wizard

But before you do, I have something for each of you. For you Fred, some more gasoline for your chainsaw, because you’ve been using it constantly for half the movie now, and continuity demands that you fill it up. For you Hawkqueen, here are your hawks. I snookered them from Thorne, and I think you’ll really need them in the final battle. For you Inoria, I have a book. 

Inoria

Tell Me Why? 

The Wizard

It has the answers to hundreds of questions in a simple to easy read format. 

Inoria

Wow…thanks! 

Hawkqueen

Thank you for getting back my birds! Mephistopheles…Amber…Are you ready to claw the bad man’s eyes out? Yes you are, yes you are sweetums. 

I Got My Mike Back

Hi All.  T.C. Ricks. I got my mike back and give a few comments on the podcast and my current writing plans.

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[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 73

Wizard

Yes, but you chose that title for the

(interrupted) 

CHAINSAW FRED

Just shut up already. Sheesh, it’s pretty obvious he’s the Wizard from the Wizard of Oz. Books people. They’re amazing things.  

Wizard

Yes, that would be me. And I’ve come to help you all. 

Hawkqueen

Well-just how exactly did you get here? 

Wizard

It’s funny you should say that, when I was rising up in the balloon, hoping to head for Kansas…there was a strange willowing wind, and much to my consternation, I ended up here. It’s not so bad though, you get to meet the most interesting people. 

Inoria

Well Mr. Wizard…do you know a way to get us back to our own dimension?

 

Mr. Wizard appears.

Mr. Wizard

He’s not Mr. Wizard. I am. And yes, I know how to get you back to your home dimension. It’s rather simple really. Reverse the polarity on Frank’s cape. It will take you straight to home. 

Preparations

So, I finally have some ideas about where to go w Novel 6 for November and will be starting with a round robin Fairy Tale Jamboree with some friends.  The stories will be creative commons so they will get them too, but I will use them to fashion a prequel and what nay be the seventh novel to spring board into just who or what the divine family is that uses some of the interesting bits I habe cobbled together can do.

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 72

CHAINSAW FRED

Who are you? 

The Wizard

I am the Wizard. Perhaps you’ve heard of me. 

GRENADEMAN

THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME? 

The Wizard

No. 

GRENADEMAN

THE WIZARD OF WALL STREET? 

The Wizard

No, the other one. 

GRENADEMAN

THE WIZARD OF DEATH CASTLE? 

The Wizard

You just made that one up. 

GRENADEMAN

I DID NOT. 

The Wizard

Yes, you did. 

GRENADEMAN

I

(interrupted) 

The Wizard

It isn’t very super heroic to lie Frank. 

GRENADEMAN

ER. WELL. PERHAPS, I THE COSMOS, BEING AN INFINITE SERIES OF POSSIBILITIES, THUS CONTAINS THE POSSIBILITY THAT SOMEWHERE THERE MUST BE A WIZARD OF DEATH CASTLE. 

Grenademan Vs the Zombies Chapter 6 Part 2

Jarvi makes some Snark Zombies and starts to spread the love around.  His Henchwoman does good work.

Note: Continues mid sentance.

Performed by Matt Franklin, Written by T.C. Ricks, Edited by Fiona Skye

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[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 71

Hawkqueen

Hmm. On second thought, maybe that was a bad idea.

 

Another major fight ensues. It is a close one, but the heroes manage to defeat the randomly compiled Resident Forces of Evil and reduce them to tiny little bits of meat and shreds.  Chainsaw Fred decapacitates The Evil Elvis Clone. Inoria uses a vial of acid on the Loch Ness Monster. Hawkqueen picks up and throws Frankenstein away and Grenademan gets pummeled by the Wonder Hamster until it accidentally sets off one of the grenades and gets blown away.

Chaos

Congratulations! You win the rest of your miserable little lives, the insignificance and boredom of which will be far more punishment than anything else I could possibly hope to inflict upon you. You may wander as you will.

 

Chaos disappears.

Inoria

Well he does have at least one point… 

HawkQueen

His head? 

Inoria

No, I mean we are wandering as we will. I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll ever get back. We can’t just keep grabbing Frank’s cape and flickering through the universe like some cosmic remote control.

The Wizard appears. 

The Wizard

Perhaps I can help with that. 

GateKeeper Part 2

Hastur has the unenviable job of acting as gate keeper for the IINS for magical creatures that want to emmigrate to the USA.  Then he gets cursed.

By T.C. Ricks, Performed by Matt Franklin, Edited by Fiona Skye

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[Script] Tossing Grenades At Windmills - Page 70

Frankenstein, the Lock Ness Monster, Evil Psychotic Elvis Clone and Ralph the Wonder Hamster appear and look very upset. 

CHAINSAW FRED

(to Grenademan)

Remind me to kill you if we survive this. 

GRENADEMAN

AHA! THE FORCES OF EVIL! PREPARE TO BE VANIQUISHED VILE FIENDS! 

Inoria

This is a fascinating collection of random images. I wonder if it has some deeper significance 

Hawkqueen

Inoria, dear, I love you to bits, like a daughter even, but if you try to analyze the artistic meaning of something trying to kill us one more time I really will hurt you. I mean that. 

Inoria

But surely

Hawkqueen tosses Inoria into the approaching crowd of evil. 

Hawkqueen

Here. Take her. 

GRENADEMAN

TALLYHO! 

Guest Poet

Joshua and John
By Redwin Tursor

In Joshua, God sends his chosen people to kill every person not like them
In John, God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son.
These days, it isnt that hard to see which God is in charge of things
Of course, you can say that you love the sinners
As you hack them to bits for wanting to organize
Just like ISIS does to Christian folk with a machate
But to read the trolls on the internet
There sure are a lot more soldiers of Joshua
Than followers of Christ
So on a day that we celebrate him coming back from the dead
Perhaps we can honor the reverse flying zombie best
By honoring his wishing when he said over and over again
"Look man, I am totally not my father"
Maybe there was a reason for that
Maybe there was a reason he said "just because some jackass does something in my name doesnt mean thet are following me."
Maybe he came back
Not to be with his genocidal followers or his killer dad
Happy birthday Jesus
Hope you are enjoying Boulder or Asheville

Grenademan Vs The Zombies Chapter 6 Part 1

Jarvi makes some Snark Zombies and starts to spread the love around.  His Henchwoman does good work.

Performed by Matt Franklin, Written by T.C. Ricks, Edited by Fiona Skye

Check out this episode!

[Script] Tossing Grenades At Windmills - Page 69

GRENADEMAN

IT IS A FAR FAR BETTER THING THAT I HAVE DONE NOW, THAN I HAVE- 

Chainsaw Fred hits Grenademan on the shoulder as they begin to fade from view.

CHAINSAW FRED

Get you own line. 

GRENADEMAN

OW. 

EXT. SEA OF LOST SOCKS – DAY

An island in a sea of socks. A demigod sits at a podium game show style. The heroes fade into view. 

Chaos

Hello, welcome to the Sea of Lost Socks. Where’s that you ask? It’s a hole between dimensions, a place where things go when they haven’t got any other continuum to go to. Who am I? Glad you asked-My name is Chaos. I am a resident demi god bored out of my mind. Why am I answering your questions for you? Because every one asks the same thing. Like the inevitable next question… 

GRENADEMAN

WHERE ARE THE RESIDENT FORCES OF EVIL THAT WE MIGHT SMITE THEM? 

Chaos

Hmm. Actually, no, the question that most people ask is usually something like ‘How did we get here?’ or ‘Can you send me home?’ or the occasional ‘My you are a snazzy dresser, where did you get that fabulous wardrobe’. But I can do Resident Forces of Evil. Meet Frankenstein, the Lock Ness Monster, The Evil Psychotic Elvis Clone and Ralph the Wonder Hamster. 

[Script] Tossing Grenades At Windmills - Page 68

Grenademan races through the assembled crowd of French People and French Knitting Women and blows up the guillotine, freeing the woman. 

FRENCH PERSON #1

What is this?! 

FRENCH PERSON #2

It is the silly people we saw before! They’re trying to free the prisoners! 

Inoria

Oh crap. 

Hawkqueen

We’d better get back to that cape or we’re toast. 

CHAINSAW FRED

Why didn’t you two help the girl? 

Inoria

It would have –OW! 

A major fight ensues between the French people and our heroes. Grenademan is surprisingly successful, doing well for a change, freeing prisoners who run away. The other three fight with more French people and close in on Grenademan. 

Inoria

This could be very bad for the space-time continuum 

CHAINSAW FRED

(Starting Chainsaw)

Alright, enough of this…. 

Fred cuts a swathe through the French People and assorted psychotic knitting French people and they touch Frank’s Cape. 

Gate Keeper Part I

Hastur has the unenviable job of acting as gate keeper for the IINS for magical creatures that want to emmigrate to the USA.  Then he gets cursed.

By T.C. Ricks, Performed by Matt Franklin, Edited by Fiona Skye

Check out this episode!

[Script] Tossing Grenades At Windmills - Page 67

GRENADEMAN

ER…EXCUSE ME…. 

Inoria

It’s utterly fascinating, why, there could be such a world for every hope and dream ever conceived by mankind…there really could be a Narnia, or a Shangri-La, or a place where trickle down economics really works. 

GRENADEMAN

SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO GUILOTEEN THAT WOMAN OVER THERE…SHOULDN’T WE BE ACTING WELL…SUPERHEROIC, SEING AS HOW WE’RE WELL…YOU KNOW…SUPER HEROES? 

Inoria

Oh no. Any action we take here might affect the cosmic balance of our own dimension. Why, who knows what disturbed dreams that children might be having back in our own world.

Hawkqueen

Those things seemed pretty disturbed as it was without any of our help. 

CHAINSAW FRED

Do you people ALWAYS talk like this? Is there some special school you go to? 

Inoria

Where is Frank? 

GRENADEMAN

TALLYHO!

[Script] Tossing Grenades At Windmills - Page 66

FRENCH PERSON #2

Madrigras was last week you silly people. 

FRENCH PERSON #1

Perhaps they are simply celebrating the Revolution? 

FRENCH PERSON #2

That must be it. 

Hawkqueen

Where in the HECK are we? 

CHAINSAW FRED

I think the question is more when…somewhere around the time of the French Revolution 

Vengeance

Therese! Who has seen her?

Therese Defarge! 

Inoria

I know that name… 

Knitting French Woman

She never missed before. 

CHAINSAW FRED

Ancient ancestor of yours? 

Hawkqueen

No. It’s the name of one of the characters in Charles Dicken’s novel, “A tale of Two Cities” 

Inoria

No, don’t you understand, somehow we’ve been transported not to another time, but another dimension entirely. I would suspect it a reflection of the collective unconscious.