[Script] Unfood - Page 3

CONTINUED: 3. AARON GOD! WHY OH WHY Have thou forsaken us? FREIGHT You idiot. He laughs and punches Aaron’s shoulder. AARON It is true lord, I am an idiot. Wouldst the thou take that into consideration in the repair of our ship? A spontaneous miracle? Kendra smirks amused but doesn’t join in with the laughing. She points to the left. KENDRA You know Sol is about that way. If you’re looking for God, he’s probably there. AARON God is everywhere. KENDRA So is his Noodliness. AARON BLASPHEME. KENDRA Right back at you. All stare and look at each other for a moment and then break into laughter, Aaron first, then Freight, then finally Kendra. A small alarm beeps. Kendra examines a sensor log. She shakes her head. KENDRA Another chunk of the ship just blew off. FREIGHT GOD DAMN IT! AARON Forgive him lord, he knows not what he says. (CONTINUED)

And what of Sex?

So Rhombus, you live in a swamp.  Well. No.  I work in a swamp.  I live in a Bayou.   I also work in the more swampy part of that Bayou.  Bit this is not a shack.  It is a home in tje 1940's style originally built by speculation on the return of GIs and purchased shortly after Hurricane Heimdal.  Cheap.

I felt that because TC and I share some similarities, that I should outline some differences.  I have never had hangups with the human relations that plagued T.C. in his captive years in wonderbreadland.  But that also means I do not habe the resilience of spirit.

I gave up after my first love.  She was a lovely creature of the sea, and I met her in Miami.  I return sometimes.  Random relations are nice, but I am one given to ine and only one love.  What happened to her you ask?

There is a reason I haunt a bridge to other worlds.

But that is another tale.

How I Met TC

Includes two anecdotes from the blog. Also this still is and will remain the Tossing Grenades at Windmills' podcasts despite the errors in the first bumper that says 'redanvilproductions' and the second that says 'reanvilamalgamated'...

 

Should be fixed soon.

Edited by Grayson Bergmann

Check out this episode!

[Script] Unfood - Page 2

Cleanup Crew Leader, Tech 1&2: Three people who have to clean up the mess that is left after Governor - The Governor of Shitworld. A petty beuracrat who has too much power for his own good. ACT 1 SCENE 1 - EXT WIDE SHOT OF THE MARGARET FLYING THROUGH DEEP SPACE – NIGHT A large chunk of metal just randomly flies off of the ship and floats into the camera. INT – CONTROL ROOM OF THE MARGARTET – DAY FREIGHT, Aaron and Kendra sit at their various control stations talking. The cockpit is cluttered with posters and other random brickabrack that make a very tight space more livable for the three of them as they travel the vastness of space. FREIGHT Are you sure? KENDRA Yes. We’ve got about 50000 coins worth of repair work. At the least. FREIGHT Well...that sucks. That is going to cost us about a third of the run. (beat) Damn it. We are this close to being able to retire. You know we can just let the ship rot. KENDRA Don’t talk about the Margaret like that. She’s home. FREIGHT Any home can’t last forever. Freight looks at the ceiling and rolls around in his chair. He gazes at Kendra who frowns and then he moves his head toward Aaron. Aaron imitates Freight’s actions but parodies to make them even more extreme. Then Aaron begins to weep and wail. He knocks over a nearby ash tray and spreads the ashes over his shirt. He rips it and appeals to the heavens. (CONTINUED)

[Script] Unfood - Page 1

Unfood by Tom Drake Dramatis Personae Freight Kasniket – He is an overly ambitious starship captain willing to cut some corners to make a quick buck so he can retire. He is very loyal to his crew, but he is willing to gamble with their lives to risk it all by smuggling one last big score. The Blob - Petty, Stupid, Fat. He has more money than God and less idea what to do with it. He has little to nothing to live for except his money and his various excessive ways to display it. He is everything that Freight isn’t...unambitious in every way. Without his weight, he will be even more lost. He is desperate for any edge he can give himself to keep it, and so is willing to pay to keep it. Whatever it takes. Also a bit somewhat accident prone. Kendra Sunmire – Navigator for the Margaret and First mate. She plays the straight man to the awesome trio, and is also somewhat responsible. But she also doesn’t put up with bullshit on their parts. She is often the Cassandra of the group where her warning are unheeded or ignored. On better days that means she’s there to post bail for them in the morning. On worst days, it means that Freight helps to ruin her life. Aaron Bilay – The ultimate stoner and also a kind gregarious fellow. He’s funny and he knows it. However there is the sensitive soul of a poet underneath the snarky exterior. Too much hardship will destroy him. Bob – He is the second maintenance robot in the Fatship. He knows how to find things and knows how to make his mission shine. Bob doesn’t talk but sometimes you can still swear he’s saying something by the way he clicks. Gerald Danes - A spokesman hired by the Confederation to do an industrial video about how the laws regarding health care are going to change for the sector. He is charismatic and charming. The Judge - A member of the confederation and a genetically modified human. He is very large and intimidating but speaks with a very gentle voice. He is calm and rational despite the fact that he looks like he could crush anyone before him like an insect. Ship’s Computer - The Fatship’s computer isn’t really intelligent. But it does a very good job of pretending like it is. It is extremely friendly because it has to be. Friendliness and customer service are mandatory citizen. Warrior - A confed warrior who serves as bailiff to the judge.

The Dangers of Too Much Story

So I'm not about to start doing politics in this world or yours; everyone knows how most politicians are, why add to the wind?

But if you compared something dangerous, like say the Cult of Death in the middle east.  I suppose I should come up with a name for my world...maybe Esperanza?  It's totally random, but it'll do just the same.  Where was I? Ah yes, Esperanza.  The Cult of Death hear believes in spreading itself as far and wide as it can, and they're crazy.

In Wonderbread Land it is the Korialailieleehahaha Robbers.  The language in Wonderbreadland is very Hawaiin sounding, but they're not actually Hawaiain.  They're supposed to be native American or something, I guess.  But both the Cult of Death and the Robbers are badass insane guys, but they don't need to blow up monuments because they're not really religions and their stories are weaker.


Then you have your world, we'll call it Library...because of how much story you have.  It's a spin off of Islam called Isis, which is an Egyptian Goddess,even though that isn't what they're about.  They're recruiting people all over the internet, blow up monuments and have to go to the most extreme of any extreme they possibly can.  Why? Because of the reputation and story that have developed as the new Caliphate.  Stories are dangerous.  Stories are powerful.

I'm interested in learning more about your world and telling more and better  stories, but live there?

NOOO thank you.

Technical Difficulties

So...our process is still improving but rather than have another 'hole' we found a rather...unorthydox workaround....should be back to normal next week.

Check out this episode!

Oops

Pay no attention to that page 7...yet...finally figured out how to get celtx to output in a format for the blog...

Under Construction

Clearly this will be more difficult than I thought. There will need to be some procedural changes and potentially the purchase of a Pre Amp. Changes coming soon. Look for it.

The Guy Who Pays The Nickle

When I spoke about a nickle, I really meant metaphorically.

The guy who buys the bulk of my services is EP Blingermeyer, a guy who loves a thrill.  He bungie jumps, sky dives, kite surfs, runs, jumps, etc etc.  You get the idea.  He has extremely skewed luck, but it is so extremely skewed that when he is up he is able to get rich rediculously fast, but he doesn't keep it long.  Like me, he's fascinated by your world, but unlike me, he doesn't astrally project.

He physically goes there.  He'll take the bridge.  He waits for it to come at the break of day or at sunset, then rushes right backward toward Wonderbreadland and then half way through leaps off of it and into the nearest river.  Like TC did when he was escaping to home, once.  It messed him up quite well, you can only imagine what it did to EP.

It's a self fulfilling cycle, the more he does it, the more he wants to.  He loves the stories in your world, but also loves the venues where they exist; bookstores, plays, movies, poetry slams, museums.  You name it, he wants to experience it.  He's quite an affable fellow and has made several very good almost friendships.  Of course, TC was a native.  EP isn't and when he goes there, he's often forgotten immediately afterward.  He's a fictional character from your perspective after all.

TC tried to help once with a trick he read in a book about helping to invent a non existant person, but it didn't take.  You will never find a person who claims that EP Blingermeyer is a real person.  Though, your reality is strange enough that you might actually find an EP Blingermeyer.  Only it wouldn't be the one who pays me.

Most people who are determined to see the bridge on a thrill, I will, in fact, charge a few samoleans for my time, teach them how to see it, how not to get run over and more importantly how not to get eaten by whatever comes from the other direction.  Most people, most SANE people simply want to see a Sasquatch, or a troll or god knows what. 

That isn't the case with our friend.  So I charge him for it.  He wants details, precise details about what comes and goes, stray broadcasts, dropped artifacts.  He collects and catalogs all of them you see.  Its quite lucrative, even if I have no idea what he does with all the things he collects. One of these days he won't come back from your world. I'm amazed every time he does actually.  When he stops, I'll have to get a real job.

Call Me Rhombus

The New Podcast Owner Speaks

Check out this episode!

There Shall Be No More Sound Suckage

Podcast ownership is changing.

Many things are changing.

 

Including no more sucktackular sound quality.

Check out this episode!

How I Met Tom

The boy in the Graveyard Book didnt have a normal child hood.  But it gave him extraordinary abilities because of how he was raised.  He learned to become invisible and could see and speak to the dead.  Though if you ask him, he would likely have chosen his parents, despite all the good he had done.

I met Tom long before he met me.  You see, being raised in Wonderbreadland, with no magic was unbearable.  You can't live without magic and you can't live without dreams.  Its why the rest of Tom imported the dreams of someone else who was almost him as kind of a pace maker.

Let's just say Tom has seen what happens when most parts of a soul die.  Especially the dreams.  But where was I?

When the only place to find magic is in your head, you project outward, into realms that never were.  Far more good was done in places that you don't think matter, "not real" than you can imagine.   More than one kind too.  Word began...to spread.

But you can't leave the body behind.  Wonderbreadland land was a chain that corrupted him just as much as everyone else there.  I saw him once when he was twelve.  He sent a duplicate of himself to the Bayou.  And ....

:)

That's another story. 

But many years later, when I found him dripping wet and dry with sand on the bridge,  I knew right away who he was.   I told him the truth and helped him get home.  We stayed in touch.  He didn't really know me from Adam still, but a friend suggested a nome de gure.  And it stuck.

Hey, not all worlds echo throughout all creation like yours does.  But sometimes they do leak back.  Good thing too.

Perfectly decent human being.  Quite creative and capable.   One of the symptoms of escaping Wonderbreadland can be the inability tobself decieve.  Ever see The Invention of Lying?

Sometimes we have to lie to ourselves to try the impossible.   Ee need to.

Elsewise....

Elsewise our temple of clouds becomes a bowling alley.

Watch Pleasantville, you'll get it.

Later.

The Bridge in the Bayou

The name of the state changes from place to place.  There's a spectrum...no, strike that, there's a million spectrums, but the one that matters in this story is from what's real, to what isn't.  I know you'd like to think that your world is the most real that there is....it isn't.  There are more boring worlds, more ordered ones where there is no magic at all.

Think your world is boring? Imagine a world without rainbows or the wonder of a child's laugh.  There are worlds where that illusion you can tell yourself that there is a hidden power behind your life guiding you to destiny simply doesn't even have that much room. 

T.C. Ricks was born in your world, but he didn't stay there.  He was kidnapped at the age of eight and taken after stumbling into a Bridge, the famous Bridge of the Bayou.

In my world, like I said, stories are real things, that most folks don't acknowledge are real, but everyone knows are.  Your world is an awesome place, because you're safe.  What supernatural things there are hide in the shadows because they have to.  It helps you have more wonder and appreciation for stories than you could ever have if something came out and ate you with scales and fangs and claws that doesn't appear on National Geographic.

I know you disagree.  But I've lived in both worlds? Some of you can claim that, but most can't.  To travel to another world, you have to have a way to get there.  Some are physical, like a portal or a sled or a closet or a blue box....but most are mental.  Astral projection is a time honored method of moving from one world to another.  Hell, it happens every time you open a book.  What? You thought books were safe? Of course they're not safe.  Every time you open one, part of you goes to another place...and part of that place comes back with you.

But there are almost no physical portals in your world.  T.C. stumbled into one by accident.  There he was in Wonderbreadland.  That's the best name for it.  A very ordered place that seems mystical but isn't.  Everything is so safe, predetermined and ordered that you wouldn't know real magic if it went and bit you on the face.  T.C. got out, which is good for him, but it left him a little funny in the head.

Dreams are important things, a part of your soul.  You have multiple parts.  But different dead parts do different things to different people.  Some people lose their heart's....they're just....they have no kindness in them.  Least n unless they are kin, and really, that's just a kind of self interest.  True empathy requires heart, and some folks have none. 

Dead dreams are truly sad.  You can see a kind of shuffling that goes on in their lives.  But there is only so much broken heart a person can take.

The Bridge is kind of like one of your Mystery Spots, well known and the most obvious proof to anyone not an idiot that there are physical ways out of the world, it pulls back and forth like the tides on the moon.  Sometimes, when the stars are just right, it shoots straight on past your world and into Wonderbreadland.  That's where they came, and cut a hole in the bridge and stole T.C. 

Let me tell you....magic can kill, just by knowing it exists.  To touch it for so long but not be able to taste it is one of the saddest things you can imagine. 

It's an interesting thing, the Bridge, there among the misty swamps. I study it, sometimes warn folks away from it.  I'll charge a nickle when I can, but an empty window can be an opportunity.  It lets me peep into your rather interesting world and see an index of all the places the Bridge might go.

Greetings From Another World

Hello.  My name is Rhombus.  Rhombus Ticks.  Pleasure to make your aquaintance.

Greetings from another world.  I am not T.C. Ricks.  The official cover story was going to be that I "bought" the blog from him but its infinitely more complicated than that.  

You see I am what you would call a fictional character.   But I don't consider myself fictional.   I just consider myself more fictional.   Stories in my world are physical things.   There are far more fictional places.  My world is very close to your own, but not as safe.

English is a class more like typing.   And the only stories we have around are the ones that make our world work.  We have the catcher in the rye, and Harry Potter and Uncle Tom's Cabin, but nothing like Terry Pratchet or Jim Butcher or Elizabeth Moon.

Don't worry.  Tom is still around, just the part of him that died isn't there any more.   It's a sad complicated story and I will tell ot to you some time.  It involves a bridge and a changling.

But I thought I would introduce myself and say hello.

Hello.

I hope we can get to know each other.

The podcast and blog

The scripts will reappear soon as will the podcast.  The problem id quality and my last unshared script is in celtix which is a pain to tramsfer to word which means acrobat reader.

I am not releasing another podcast without quality editing so next week, the first half of gmvz chap 9 may be the last in a while but weird snafus to contact my editor will not continue now that i am not ill or traveling. Watch this space.

The Silver Shackes Blog Tour - The Buck Stops Here

When you steal from faerie queens, the consequences are painful and sometimes deadly.

Were-jaguar and TV personality, Riley O’Rourke, has been looking over her shoulder ever since she stole from the Dark Queen of the Unseelie faeries. When Riley is contacted by an informant with knowledge that can blow the lid off the story of the year, she can’t pass up the opportunity to investigate. What she finds instead is something that puts her at the mercy of the Dark Queen, who is not known for her compassion.

When Riley’s boyfriend, David, realizes she’s missing, he’ll do whatever it takes to get her back, including starting a war with the Unseelie. The balance of power among the Fae courts is shifting, and if David makes one wrong move, Riley could end up crushed in the struggle. But after being the subject of the Queens’s legendary cruelty, will there even be anything left of Riley to save?

The second book in the Revelations Trilogy continues the story of Riley O'Rourke, David Lo, and Neve MacAlpin. Buy it here.

Taming Shadows is the first book in the Revelations Trilogy and introduces us to Riley, David, and Neve. Buy it here.

---

Disclosure: Fiona has been the editor of choice I have had since using an editor.  I have written a short story in the Night of Revelations Universe.  I have also written a previous very favorable review of her Novella. 

Second Disclosure: I am in a very toxic place right now.  I had hoped to move this review but apparently could not.  So mote it be.

Take both as you will....

Spoiler Free:  I recommend reading this book.  There are problems early on in some idiot decisions made by the characters but the wait is worth the payoff.










Spoilers:  Every author has an author avatar character, or one who seems the most likely in the work.  Often authors deny this but if you have been a writer then you can spot it a mile away. Period.  But in Urban Fantasy there is a tendency to make the protagonist special, and 'suffer' but not really.  Pain is hard.  Pain hurt.

Pain is the crucible through which characters are transformed.  Personally, if I ever meet the person writing my story I will kill them.   Painfully. Any writer of any skill knows you have to make your character suffer or the reader won't give a crap.  Don't become too attached to your characters.  Kill your darlings.

Everyone hates George R.R. Martin for killing his characters, but they keep reading him.   (Well, we'll leave out episode 8 of season 5 but that's another topic.)  They do because the suffering of his characters is real. The outcome of any story is never guaranteed.  It is ENTIRELY possible that the bad guys will win.

Fiona does in the first novel what Jim Butcher does in Storm Front...make a compact potentially stand alone novel with a tangible victory, with open ended questions and a million ways to go.  In Silver Shackles she does what Jim Butcher did in Grave Peril by not just having an interesting stand alone conflict, but also setting up the ground rules for everything nasty that is to come.

Fiona has done her homework in terms of mythology.   Her fairies feel like fairies.  Her vampires have echoes of Dracula upon them.  She has studied the physiology of the animals that bond with critters.  And the golem acts like a golem, hidebound and lacking in creative thinking at first to his own peril.  He is easily tricked, too easily tricked, but when you realize he might look human, but isn't, it is more acceptable that he forgets all of the things the thing murdering children could be besides a Critter.

There is no clean resolution here.   Riley does the kinds of things that a true victim of the Fey would do.  She is fucked up.  She is put through the ringer and David, being almost human, handles with attempted sensitivity and a sledge hammer.   I want to hit Riley in the back of the head with a clue by four.  I want to do the same with David.

That's a good thing.  They do not make these decisions because they are stupid, they make them because they are not human, and Riley finally comes to terms with this.  Fiona is making hard choices in her signature series and it shows.  These hard choices will not leave you with a trite feeling of satisfaction at the end of victory with shallow cost, but this is so often what  I read in so many urban fantasy novels.  Popcorn is great, life is suffering, and by the time Fiona is done the characters feel more alive than they ever did in Night of Revelations.

Revelations is going places.  You should go with it.

---

ABOUT FIONA SKYE

Fiona Skye is a fantasy author, currently living in the deserts of Southern Arizona. She shares a home with her husband, two kids, three cats, two rats, a betta fish, and a Border Collie.

Fiona’s passion for story telling began early in life. She loved playing make-believe and inventing elaborate fantasy worlds for her friends and her to play in. At age twelve, she wrote her first short story, which was based on a song by a 1980s hair band. After giving it to her English teacher for editing and rewrites, she learned to love the entire writing process, and has dedicated her life since then to writing, only to be occasionally distracted by her insatiable love of yarn and crochet, and the dogged pursuit of the perfect plate of cheese enchiladas.

She counts Diana Gabaldon and Jim Butcher as her favorite authors and biggest influences. Joining these two on the list of people she would wait in queue for a week to have a coffee with are Neil Peart, Kevin Hearne, and Brandon Sanderson.

Fiona is online -

Website & Blog: http://fiona-skye.com/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/fionaskyewriter

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/fionaskyewriter

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/FionaSkyeWriter/

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/fiona_skye

The problem

I have seen what happens if you don't have a dream...and the poet in me is a bit too...ecclectic...to have that really count...granted, helpful to always avoid dying a spirit death but...still.

I think as long as we understand these little things of mine are basically stillborn abominations....and while painting them up pretty with my spare change is nice, major investment is.....purely a vanity project...like pimping my car...

Which means waiting until I rebuild my reserve.  And until  I find another outlet like film making or sculpting or god knows what.

The Story of My Stories

I am not my title character.  Frank Noble never gives up....not ever.  He is the exception to the rule that says that we have have flaws; he has flaws, but he does not give up.  He is special and there is a reason the Helm of Mambrino works for him.

I have kept writing through a lot.  "You'll always have your day job."  Many many rejections, the understanding that my early stuff was awful, being told not to write by professionals, (seriously, like actully told not to), repeated non reads by friends and family (Though many have also been very helpful in this regards), non sales, non increases in the listenership of the podcast, the rejection of guesthood, now twice....

But this last time....

I've gotten better...exponentially better, but the repeated traige of friends and family....the repeated manifestation that they regard my contributions and ideas as valueless....

This is not all my family nor is it all my friends but you must understand it is a huge number.

Then I look at the success of people who aren't really that much better than me...some of them are...some of the aren't.

Mostly its because they are slightly better and more likable.

I try VERY hard to be likable...but it is not enough.

I can't just writ for me.  I know that's wht I'm supposed to do....its why the best writers are introverts...they could give a fuck about the outside world....

i...just.....amtired.  I am tired of losing friend, of dleted manuscripts, of rewrites and needing one more edit, and finding out that that isnt enough and you need another pass or another specialist or a better cover...if you go it on your own and just sync some more money into it...

I haven't completely shut the lights off but I'm damn close.

Who am I kidding?

The podcasts in the queue are it.

Its been real folks.

Grenademan vs the Zombies Chapter 8 Part 2

Jarvi the warlock wants to initiate chaos.  Grenademan and a rag tag group of gamers mean to stop him.

By T.C. Ricks, Performed by Matt Frankin

Check out this episode!

Unfood Part 3 of 3

Freight has to make tough choices to survive. 

Written by T.C. Ricks, Performed by Matt Frankin

Check out this episode!

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 84

CHAINSAW FRED

My brother died saving his life. I’m going to make sure it amounts to something. 

DOC SHADOWS

I suppose you have a point. I suppose you have a point indeed. 

Hawkqueen

Do you think he’s really out there? 

DOC SHADOWS

Oh, I’m sure of it. The more I think about it, the surer I become. 

FADE TO BLACK

GRENADEMAN

(offscreen voice)

GREETINGS CITIZEN KNIGHT. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS PLACE? 

Knight

(Offscreen Voice)

Camelot strange one. 

GRENADEMAN

(Offscreen Voice)

FORSOOTH! IS THERE ANY EVIL ABOUT? 

Knight

(Offscreen Voice)

Indeed, evil abounds across the land. 

GRENADEMAN

(Offscreen Voice)

THEN LET US BE OFF….THAT WE MIGHT FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL!

Roll Credits.

Grenademan vs The Zombies - Chapter 8 Part 1 of 2

Performed by Matt Franklin, Edited by Fiona Skye and Skip Huffman, Written by T.C. Ricks.

Things are looking dubious in the town.  Jarvi surfs the wave of the apocolypse.

Check out this episode!

Given that next week

I hope to add some new content and the like I will provide more substance hopefully than just a running number count. :)

I will do that on my twitter feed at @goldkngt55 for any who want to follow

5500 words. 10% of the way there.

Day 2-2 Chapters

3850 words.  Two chapters.   The script helps a lot, though I can tell that it might likely only be ...12 to 14 chapters but at 2000 each, then what about the rest?  Well, between Tossing Grenades at Windmills and  Grenademan Vs the Zombies there is Grenademan Where He Doesn't Belong....including his trip to Camelot which can easily be 7-10 chapters or as long as I want it to be....

Interesting times ahead.  Good training for November.

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 83

DOC SHADOWS

I’ve done many dark things, my dear, but that’s not one of them. I at least try to maintain some illusion of honor. 

Inoria

Then why start now? Super heroes don’t kill. If anyone should learn the value of life here today, it’s you. 

DOC SHADOWS

Yes. Yes you are right. Take them.

 

The heroes grab the goons while Shadows grabs Thorne. They leave the building.

INT. HAWK QUEEN’S EYRE - DAY

At Hawkqueen’s Eire, Doc Shadows, Inoria, Hawkqueen, and Chainsaw Fred all sit at the table. 

Inoria

By rights, we should turn you over to the authorities for what you did. 

DOC SHADOWS

You are correct.

Hawkqueen

We’ve thought about it. We think you deserve a second chance. 

DOC SHADOWS

Thank you. 

CHAINSAW FRED

I’ll be right there with you every step of the way. 

Inoria

You’re serious. 

New Do It Yourself Novel Writing Month

Earlier today I asked,"Why am I not writing a novel instead of this short story which kinda sucks"...so I started. I'm 1801 words in and have done the first chapter. I decided to do Tossing Grenades at Windmills, based on the script which you have been able to see here.  In days to come I will be adding more content.

For now, sleep sounds awesome :D

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 82

CHAINSAW FRED

Bring him back! 

DOC SHADOWS

I don’t think that’s possible. Even if I wanted to.

CHAINSAW FRED

Do it! 

Doc Shadows checks the machine gain.

DOC SHADOWS

He is gone, I’m sorry. The machine was set to spread my atoms across the cosmos. Inoria damaged the circuits too much. 

Hawkqueen

Then he’s gone? 

DOC SHADOWS

Not necessarily. That cape of his was made of the same stuff that allowed this cannon to work. There is a remote chance he’s out there somewhere, still alive…but it is beyond my power to bring him back. Now we must go. And quickly. 

Inoria

What about them?

Inoria points to the unconscious goons and the babbling Thorne. 

DOC SHADOWS

They deserve death. They certainly have killed. I know, I’ve seen it. 

Hawkqueen

Like you? 

DOC SHADOWS

I’ve done many dark things, my dear, but that’s not one of them. I at least try to maintain some illusion of honor. 

Unfood Part 2 of 3

Written by T. C. Ricks, Edited by Fiona Skye

Freight is a space captain who finds himself stuck in space aboard a prison ship for fat people.  Minute by minute just existing is killing him because he has a limited amount of food when he can have anything in the world he wants to eat.

Check out this episode!

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 81

GRENADEMAN

FEAR NOT VILLIAN, GRENADEMAN SHALL SAVE YOU FROM THE GAZE OF THE CHICKENMAST-

The cannon fires, the transport lights come on and Grenademan vanishes again.

 

CHAINSAW FRED

FRANK! NO! No. 

There is a brief silence and the fighting stops.

Doc Shadows reaches down and picks up the fortune cookie, crushes it and reads it silently. He looks slowly at the other men and concentrates, knocking them out one by one with the force of his gaze. He slowly walks up to Thorne, who begins to move the cannon at him again as he does this.

Inoria moves up to the cannon and fries it with her laser

pistol. The cannon stops.

DOC SHADOWS

Enjoy the nightmares Thorne. Welcome to mine.

Doc Shadows places his palm on Thorne’s forehead.  Thorne screams.

J. R. R. Thorne

What, what is it? 

DOC SHADOWS

The Id of a twisted telepath. Not a pretty thing is it? (Turns to the heroes)

We need to go.  

Inoria

I think I can fix this…we can bring him back. 

DOC SHADOWS

I’ve activated the self-destruct. No one is ever using this machine again. 

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 80

j.r.r. Thorne

You’d hardly have helped me if it wasn’t for some noble cause now would you? 

DOC SHADOWS

You used me! 

J.R.R. Thorne

I use everyone.

 

DOC SHADOWS

But-how did you hide? I shou (interrupted)

J.R.R. Thorne

Should have seen it in my mind? You couldn’t see what wasn’t there Doctor Shadows, a simple matter of hypnosis to have the thought removed…  

DOC SHADOWS

Not if I can help it. I’ll simply reset the machine to spread its component atoms across the cosmos, and me with it! 

J. R. R. Thorne

Ah, the wonders of modern technology.

Thorne pulls out a remote control.

J. R. R. Thorne

You may be going sir, but the machine stays right here.

The cannon moves around to shoot Doc Shadows, who doesn’t seem inclined to get out of the way.

Grenademan leaps up and pushes him out of the way

Grenademan Vs the Zombies - Chapter 7 Part 2

Some in the Town begin to have doubts.  Humans being Humans.

 

Written by T.C. Ricks, Performed by Matt Franklin, Edited by Fiona Skye

Check out this episode!

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 79

DOC SHADOWS

There are no innocent Metahumans. They destroy entire city blocks with their senseless battles, rip minds, shred dreams.  

Inoria

Some of them are children! 

DOC SHADOWS

Children who will grow up to be Metahumans.

Shadows knocks Inoria unconscious.

DOC SHADOWS

Enough of this. Keep your word

Thorne.  

J.R.R. Thorne

With pleasure.

J. R. R. Thorne aims the machine at DOC SHADOWS and it begins to fire.

Hawkqueen

I don’t think so.

Hawkqueen kicks Thorne and proceeds to fight with him. Doc Shadows shrieks with rage and goes to the machine himself. 

DOC SHADOWS

If you want something done right, do it yours-it’s not set to transport the metahumans at all! It’s set to (cont)

Doc Shadows checks the controls

DOC SHADOWS

(cont)

Rob banks?! All this righteous fury and all you wanted to do was rob BANKS?! 

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 78

DOC SHADOWS

I’ve lived over 110 years now, and I can’t die. Everything I’ve done, every time I try to end my life, something stops it. I can suffer pain or injury, but it will eventually heal. Much like the flying Dutchman, I am cursed to wander the Earth. Now hold still. 

Inoria

No thanks. You hold still first. Surely you don’t believe Thorne is planning on simply stopping there do you. He must be getting something out of this. 

J.R.R. Thorne

He is Inoria, he is. J.R.R. Thorne is going to send every Meta on the face of the Earth to another dimension, right after I destroy Shadows.

 

The henchmen and Shadows begin to win as Thorne finishes adjusting the machine and joins the fight. 

GRENADEMAN

(facing Thorne)

PREPARE TO BE VANQUISHED EVIL CHICKENMASTER! 

J.R.R. Thorne

I don’t plan on dignifying that with a response. 

Inoria

You can’t let him do it! There are innocent people…
 

CHAINSAW FRED

(to Thorne)

You already did, gimp.

 

More fighting ensues. The heroes seem to win for a while, then lose, then begin to win again. 

Unfood Part 1

Written by T. C. Ricks, Edited by Fiona Skye

Freight is a space captain who finds himself stuck in space aboard a prison ship for fat people.  Minute by minute just existing is killing him because he has a limited amount of food when he can have anything in the world he wants to eat.

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[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 77

DOC SHADOWS

Their claws! Get them off 

Inoria

I’d offer to help but I’m more inclined to agree with them…fortunately for you I only plan on stunning you rather than claw your face off

Inoria touches thin air. 

Doc Shadows reaches out and punches Inoria.

DOC SHADOWS

Fortunately for me you give your speeches before you hit someone.

 

GRENADEMAN

DEACTIVATE SUPER STEALTH MODE! ATTACK FORCES OF EVIL NOW!

 

CHAINSAW FRED

What he said.

Fred starts his chainsaw. Numerous goons enter. A fight ensues between Thorne’s henchman, Doc Shadows and the heroes. Any time they try to get near Thorne they are stopped. 

Henchman #1

Say…didn’t we already beat these guys?

 

Henchman #2

I don’t know, after a while they all start to blur together.

 

Inoria

(to Shadows)

You were supposed to be a hero…why are you doing this? 

[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 76

INT. WAREHOUSE WITH DEVICE - NIGHT

The heroes appear on top of a catwalk with a large mechanical device in the center, somewhat cannon like. Thorne and Shadows are speaking, making some adjustments to the device when the heroes suddenly appear.  

Thorne

You’ve made the right decision Dr. Shadows, your sacrifices have paid off and now both you and I shall have what we finally seek. 

Dr. Shadows

If there was another way, I’d agree-but I’ve seen far too much to believe otherwise. 

Hawkqueen

Believe this. Mephistopheles, Amber…Attack him! 

DOC SHADOWS

You’re back? I’m impressed. I thought you were all gone for good. It is clear I underestimated you. But if you think a couple of birds are going to stop me, you’re mistaken. 

Hawkqueen

I did my homework Shadows…your telepathy only works on humans, not Birds. 

DOC SHADOWS

That’s true. However, guns do.

Doc Shadows pulls out two pistols and begins shooting the birds with gel like rounds that stun them. 

J. R. R. Thorne

Finish with the device before its too late… 

The wounded birds attack Shadows.

Grenademan Vs The Zombies Chapter 7 Part 1

Some begin to have doubts about the tactics within the town.  Humans being humans.

 

Written by T.C. Ricks, Read by Matt Franklin, Edited by Fiona Skye

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[Script] Tossing Grenades at Windmills - Page 75

CHAINSAW FRED

I can’t believe I’m asking this…but what about Frank? 

The Wizard

Ah yes, Frank-well, I thought long and hard about this, but I think I finally choose the perfect thing.

The Wizard gives Frank a fortune cookie.

GRENADEMAN

IS THIS A SUPER SECRET NINJA FORTUNE COOKIE? 

The Wizard

No, it is, I think a moment of clarity. Open it when you are at your darkest hour and read it. I think you’ll like the results. 

GRENADEMAN

OF COURSE CITIZEN WIZARD. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE IN FIGHTING THE FORCES OF EVIL. 

Inoria

Alright…all we need to find now is a

(interrupted)

 

Mr. Wizard and Wizard pull out a thick plush carpet 

Inoria

Right. Scruff people…scruff like you have never scruffed before! 

The four heroes proceed to scruff across the carpet, turning Frank’s cape inside out as they grab a hold of it. The lights flash again and the four vanish.