[Play] A Hand Grenade Loose in King Arthur's Court - Act 2, Scene 11

 Scene 11

Morgana and Frank appear near the toppled obelisk.

Morgana

Holy cow! That worked!

Grenademan

I AM PLEASED THAT WE SUCCEEDED.  I BELIEVE I HAVE SECURED THE SAFETY OF CAMELOT AND CAN RETURN TO MY HOME REALM.

Morgana

It will take a little bit of research, but its the least I can do.  

Mordred

Not.  So. Fast. 

Grenademan

HARK! THE FORCES OF EVIL!  (Tosses a grenade)

Mordred (Counters with a Tennis Racket)

HA! Arthur is not the only one to remember each cycle.  I remember the tennis player in King Arthur’s court.  I remember them all.

Morgana

By Hecate’s Blighted Eye

Banished Be to Hell

Mordred

A runecaster in King Arthur’s court.  Runes proof against arcane powers Morgana.  You are helpless against me.

Grenademan picks up a sword and begins fighting Mordred, who easily counters every blow and is clearly teasing Grenademan.

Mordred

Is that the best you can do?

Grenademan

NO, THIS IS.

Grenademan tosses a grenade and resumes the sword fight.  Mordred is slightly challenged but still proves the superior swordsman and strikes Grenademan with the flat of the blade multiple times.  The fight continues and Mordred starts to realize that his attempts to actually finish Grenademan off are dodged or stopped by annoying coincidence.

Mordred

Why won’t you just die?

Grenademan

THE FORCES OF GOOD WILL NEVER DIE!

Morgana, frustrated at multiple spells not working, tries something desperate.  (if possible, have her spell a hole in the ground and Mordred jump over it or, failing that, a rock.)

Mordred

Nice try, witch.

Grenademan changes to a different color grenade that explodes on impact but instead of pyrotechnics it is bright green paint.

Mordred

What the hell is that?

Grenademan

PAINT GRENADE.

Morgana

Oh is the mighty Mordred afraid of paint?

Grenademan and Mordred continue fighting but Grenademan lobs more paint grenades at Mordred who is finally forced to stop and remove his helmet.

Morgana

You’re not Mordred!  Who the hell are you?

Not Mordred

I am Johnny Silversmith.  And I’ve been fighting Monarchy for quite some time.

Morgana

Wait, you mean you’re a Spunky Young Patriot in…

Not Mordred

King Arthur’s Court.  When I was magically transported here by the enchanted Silver Tin, I knew that Mordred’s cause was ultimately just and that only by bringing an end to the monarchy, could I help America.  Mordred went back in my stead and I took his place.  I’ve been here for hundreds of cycles.

Grenademan

WELL, NOW YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL.

Morgana

I doubt King Arthur will be so merciful.

Grenademan

I DO NOT SUPPORT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.

Not Mordred

You actually wear and use lethal weapons and you are against Capital Punishment?

Grenademan

SUPERHEROES DO NOT KILL

Not Mordred

Yeah right.

Grenademan

TELL IT TO ARTHUR, SUPERVILLAIN.

News of the Four Worlds - Paul Goes to Russia

Sir Paul McCartney goes to Russia to convince Putin to not attack Ukraine (on Terra) and needs...HELP.

Check out this episode!

[Play] A Hand Grenade Loose in King Arthur's Court - Act 2, Scene 10

 Scene 10

Merlin sits talking with Merlin in one side of the stage (ideally the left) and Morgana sits talking with Morgana (ideally the Right)

[Suggestion: This may be accomplished either with an actor in an identical costume, multi media or possibly a puppet]

Chaos (Off Stage)

Let the betraying champion engage in an endless lecture with himself and create a dissertation on exactly Why a Raven is in fact like a Writing Desk in 5 million words or less with APA Formatting and accompanying bibliography.  They may leave when done.  They will live here as long as it takes, even if the stars burn out.

Merlin

No, no, no that doesnt make any sense.  The taxonomy of a writing desk is vegetable, the taxonomy of a raven is animal.  This is fundamental

Merlin

Well we can both agree they are composed of matter.

Merlin

Yes, but thats all we agree on.  We’ve been here for days and only have one sentence.

Merlin

Well thats not MY fault, you’re the one who won’t be flexible.

Merlin

I am LITERALLY you.

Merlin

Now you’re being pedantic. 

(Both scream in torture)

Order (Off Stage)

Let the betraying champion engage in the traditional torture of the other.  From sun up to sun down, she shall torture her other.  Then the other shall switch places and go from sun down to sun up.  This shall proceed until one relents and dies.  They shall live until this is accomplished even should the stars burn out.

Morgana

Stop, please stop.

Morgana 

You know I literally can’t not torture you.

Morgana

Just a break.  Just five minutes, please, it never stops.

Morgana

All you have to do is let me be the one who lives.

Morgana

No!

(Both scream in rage)

The Lights Go Out

Grenademan Enters

The Lights Go On

Grenademan

OH THAT ACTUALLY IS COOL.  I CAN SEE WHY YOU DO IT.

Morgana

What? How did you get here?

Grenademan

I REVERSED THE POLARITY ON THE OBELISK USING AN OSCILATING QUANTUM MAGNETIC FROMBOTIZER BOUNCING OFF A DEFLECTOR DISH I MADE OF WHEAT AND TINFOIL TRIANGULATED FROM THE MOONS REFLECTION.

Morgana

(beam) I am absolutely sorry I asked.  WHY are you here?

Grenademan

I AM HERE TO RESCUE YOU.

Morgana

Seriously? ME? You?!

Merlin

Hear him out, he has the Golden Helm of Mambrino.  Its probably how he actually got here.  He BELIEVED he could.  If he believes he can free us, then he likely can.

Morgana

We’re already in enough trouble with Order and Chaos.

Merlin

You dont know them well do you? If we can get out of this, they wont care?

Morgana

Hello? Aren’t you supposed to be torturing me?

Morgana

Right.  Sorry.

Grenademan

STOP. DONT DO THAT TO YOURSELF.

Morgana

I literally dont have any other choice.

Grenademan

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Morgana

I have to, or I cease to be.

Morgana

And then its my turn.

Grenademan

BUT YOU ARE BOTH YOU?

Morgana

Yes, brilliant this one is.

Grenademan

WELL WHY DOESNT ONE OF YOU JUST CHOOSE TO LET THE OTHER LIVE?

Morgana

Its not that simple.

Morgana

We’re both me.

Grenademan

DO YOU REALLY HATE YOURSELF THAT MUCH?

Morgana

What?  No.

Morgana

Not at all.

Morgana

(beat) Do we hate ourselves that much?

Morgana

Shit.  We do.

Morgana

But we dont have any REASON to.  We’re not that good a person.

Morgana

Why didnt we think of this before?

Morgana

I guess we were too wrapped up in ourselves

Morgana

Fuck them.  Fuck them all.

Morgana

You go.  I’ll end.

Morgana

No, you go.

Merlin

Either of you.  Just pick one.

Morgana

I’ll do it.

Morgana

OK.  I wont forget you Morgana

Morgana

You’d better not.

(Morgana vanishes)

Morgana 

Thank you Grenademan.  Let’s go.

Merlin

Take me with you.

Merlin

Oh no, and leave me to finish five million words? If I’m staying you’re staying with me.

Merlin

Grenademan, can you invent a typewriter that will produce five million words?

Grenademan

OF COURSE.  WE JUST NEED SEVERAL MONKEYS, A COCONUT AND-

Morgana

You helped me.  Let me help you.  He’s not worth it.

Grenademan

WHAT YOU MEAN?

Morgana

Seriously? He’s TOTALLY evil.

Merlin

I’m not that evil.

Merlin

No, she’s right we’re pretty evil.

Grenademan

BUT IT REALLY WOULDNT TAKE THAT LONG ONCE WE FOUND THE MONKEYS.

Morgana

Oh for….Grenademan take my hand.

Grenademan

OK.  (holds her hand) WHY?

Morgana

See ya Merlin.

Merlin

Oh fuck.

(Lights go out)

Grenademan and Morgana leave.

(Lights come back on)

Merlins

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

There are Other Blogs Than These

 I'm only just starting to look at them again but for my five really hard core fans, here are other blogs I've maintained

My Character Blog: Let Me Tell You About My Character

My Political Blog: Eagle As Phoenix

My Opinion/Review Blog: I Have an Opinion of Almost Everything

My Poetry Blog: Codex Americana (This was salvaged from Livejournal with some added poems before I moved to Poetizer)

My Old Family Blog: Shards of a Broken Soul

My New Family Blog: Shards of a United Soul

My Meme Blog: Memes of my Father

Swamp Castle - Savior Unto the Last Generation

A set of aliens want to say hello to Earth but our media of aliens scares the crap out of them.  So, in a near future dystopia they create a child to be raised by a caregiver posing as humans with amazing abilities that also fights weekly generated monsters.  Things go awry when the child begins to go after other evils besides the monsters however....

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Poem-Half a Hundred Years

Check out this episode!

[Poem] Half a Hundred Years

 by Emmit Other

So fifty times

I have gone around on this Merry Go Round

Astronauts first bounced on the moon

The Vietnam War was still happening

Actual Hippies hadnt traded their values

Still walked the Earth

Before they sold out and bought Mcmanshions

No cellphones

No Wed

Not a Single Luxury

As Prinitive As Can Be

Gilligan was Still Trapped On the Island

All the Beatles were Alive

Nixon got caught

And congress was compotent enough to not let him get away with it

Before Fox News

Before CNN

Before Facebook

Before Microsoft

Before Reusabke Rockets

Before Game of Thrones

Before the Dresden Files

Before Global Warming

Before Equal Rights for Women

Before Stereotypes that are insanely offensive finally started getting corrected

Before the fall of the Berlin Wall

Before the Towers fell

I AM an old man

But I am young at heart

And more than capable of making mischief

Ams setting things on metaphorical fire

And unlike many

I have changed with the times

And look to tomorrow

And believe in the generation of tomorrow

And our responsibility to tomorrow

To agree with the Song

I believe in Yesterday

But I also Believe in Today

And I most believe in tomorrow

And Tomorrow

And Tomorrow

And Tomorrow