Friday, December 1, 2023

[Poem] The First God of Christmas

by Emmit Other

The God of Christmas
Isnt Who You think
Amd every present 
That you wrap
Gives him a sippy drink
Who you ask?
Quite a simple task
Old ringed Saturn
God of Time
Takes your spirit most sublime
And sips it in like fine fine wine
So go be merry
Get to work
Insane shopping 
So he takes a schlurk
Oh so jolly
The saint that aint
Giveth presents
Like a thing that aint
Eyes aglow
Inside the fire
Milk and Cookies 
His hungry desire
Takes your offering
And leaves a present
You think you gave it
Isnt that pleasant
No burden of worship
The rest of the year
You steal his holiday
He steals right back and wont shed a tear.

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Slarg's Christmas Wish

The nicest werewolf

With a  rage of 10 you ever met

Too stupid to be mean

This Ahroun Shadowlord stereotype

Thinks it is a genetically modified dog

Who works for Jeebers Mcjosephat 

The second most powerful vampire in Oklahoma

Templated personality wise

More on the Tasmanian Devil 

Than perfect hair at Trader Vik's

He found the taste of elves

To minty fresh

4 out of 5 dentists who chew screaming elves

Recommend Dentine to clean out the gums

Merry Christmas Slarg

Merry Christmas



https://preview.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/80518/red-anvil-podcast-archive-slarg-s-christmas-wish

Thursday, November 30, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Pericuolo Narr

An anarch vampire turned just prior to the Treaty of Thorns

He fought with the underdog and against Empire

Against small evil for centuries

Always on the side of Liberty

He spotted a zip tied Santa 

And cut him free with a rip of Gangrel claws

But they still had Santas magic bag

Distributing bags of blood

To all the naughty Sabbat vampires

So he took this new fangled Hot Air Balloon

And poured gallons of whale oil on the barn

And lit the  match

And enjoyed a nice toasty Christmas bonfire

While a horrified Santa looks on

Peri always got to pick on house 

That Santa visited every Christmas without fail

Worthy or not, believing or not

So far he has 'Saved Christmas' 237 times

And he intende

To do it 237 more.

Wednesday, November 29, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Gimpl Santa

If a magical being is affected by our portrayal

Like statues making Zeus

Then think of the number of times

Santa has been kidnapped

Restrained

Zip Tied

Hey baby

He likes it

Hes into that

Every December 26th

He gets down With Mrs Clause

In a Rabbet Suit

The eleves all join in

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Out Of Their League

The League of Christmas Darkness were evil but not bad

So when they saw the North Pole sink 

They hung their heads in sad

With no Santa  there was no ritual to steal

With all drowned elves

Some monsters had no meal

Sure they could survive

But  they defined themselves with Christmas

And while genuinely good people

Were still good

The lack of magic without Drowned Santa

Was random and rare

And so Mirror Universe Santa, and Krampus 

And all the other Christmas Villains

Began to believe presents again

Coopted by the Holiday 

That Would Not Stop

Could Not Be Stopped

Until

You

Are

Fucking 

Merry.

Monday, November 27, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Borealisg

The Northern Lights inspires

But she is eternally alone

She lights the sky

And brings hope to those in the Long Winter Night

She cannot see her peer

Far far to the south

But she can hear her

They sing at night

Songs only the stars can hear

Until fon one night

A magic spell

Let them embrace in each others arms

Two dancing lovers

Kissing and twirling in the snow

Together at last

Sunday, November 26, 2023

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Happy Birthday Jesus

Once upon a time

There was a sweet nigh perfect boy

Born in Bethlehem

Raised in Galilee

Smart, bright and beloved by all

There are those who say 

There is no historical record 

Of Jesus of Nazareth

And 

They are liars

Now

Did this young man have magical powers?

Was he literally a God made Flesh?

Who knows

He was

Per extensive research and the actual bible

Born in April

But Rome put it in Mithras

To make the new state Christian Religion

More Popular

No matter what you believe

About his divinity

Or the synchronicity between gospels

His message is clear

'This I have told you

Love one another'

So

It is kind hilarious

That the Axis of Fascism

Gave plans

Leaked by Trump

To Theocratic Fascists

To Attack Theocratic Totalitarian Imperialists

(I cant call Israel Fascist

Because Fascism requires a cult of personality

And Bibi has none)

To empower Russia

To divide the west

And starve funds

From Ukraine

Weakening Democracy Everywhere

Sounds like a crap plan

But its working

And working well

As we see

In Argentina

In Poland

In The Netherlands

In the Toilet Bowl US House

So this Holy Land

Is awash in blood

Splattered by Bombs

Made by America

For Israel

To Drop On 2.2 million people

Most of whom are under 18

That a plurality approaching majority

In Israel Dont Consider Human

Because Aipac

Because Larry Summers

Because Putin

'This I have taught you

To love one another'

Aint no love

Like that 

Of the fruits

Not known by Christ

But who fake cast Demons Out

In His Name