Snu Snu the hate bear was having a hard time with all of the negativity in her life. She got none of the most excellent merchandising that her more positive cousins did. You could sell a stare, but the Hate Bear 357 Magnum didn't really do well outside of the Sunday gun and knife show crowds. And do you want to know what a person does to a stuffed snarling bear right after they buy a knife or a gun?
It isn't hugging, that's for fraggling sure. And seriously? What was the point of being the natural enemy of positive reinforcing ursine when you couldn't even mother trucking sod ram swear properly due to the decision about what was or was not age appropriate for young impressionable mind? So hate speech was OK. So teaching kids to group the world into categories of good or bad, that was OK. To exploit thousands of children who made the little dolls that were sold so the brother lucking executive at the company could have his corporate jet was OK
But Rod forbid little Timmy might have his ears profaned with a single word not on the For the Children's Special Purity Associations list of words that was aok. There was magic in children's toys. Everyone knew that. What they didn't know was just how much the Other Mucking company executives knew about it and Cull Mucked the toys as soon as they made them.
Made to be bad. That was Snu Snu. Made to be an eternal second banana to bears that sucked and weren't really cute. They couldn't even make matching foes...instead of things like Greed Bear and Fear Bear, it was nono the hate dolphin...really? A hate dolphin? Had the idiot who thought this up ever even MET a dolphin? Hoho the hate chicken was amusing.
Chickens just sucked.
But Frothy the hate Pangolin? Wrackles the Hate Elepahnt? No wonder they weren't selling. And when you weren't selling, your spirit just faded away, but never quite death. No, not death, just a lingering awareness of how much you sucked and how much it hurt when Bubba and Billy got drunk on a sunday afternoon and did unspeakable things to Snu Snu with a knife.
Of course, Snu Snu might not be able to swear, but Snu Snu did have the Hate 357 Magnum...and the home address of a certain executive. And Snu Snu knew love for the first time in her life as the Dog Lambed Blood splattered all over the wall with said executives lack of brains....
And they all lived happily ever after.
Monday, April 7, 2014
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