Tuesday, May 31, 2016

[Script] Peter Pan vs Frankenstein vs Superman - Page 9

Scene: Superman looks around desperately.  Helst uses his x-ray vision and spots a small girl on a bike.

Scene: He flies around the building in a flash and blur.   The little girl is awed.

Superman: (coughing) Excuse me.  I need to borrow your bike.

(Little girl's lip trembles like she is going to cry.  Superman sighs and flies off, buys a bag of coal.  He crushes a few and gives the girl a handful of diamonds.  Girl smiles and her eyes sparkle with diamonds.)

Superman: What's your name little girl?

Girl: Lucy.

Superman: Thanks Lucy.  Can I have your bike?

(Lucy nods.  Superman gets on the bike.  He starts to pedal and the bike falls apart.)

Superman: Fuck it! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit shit shit shit damn damn fuck shit!

(Whilst swearing he pounds the bike into slag.  The girl looks horrified.  Superman kisses her cheek and sucks away the memory.  Then flies off.)

Monday, May 30, 2016

On the Beach in Terra

So, I have been asked (no I haven't, I mean its not like you can send letters to another dimension, though if you email one to redanvilcreative@gmail.com and there is a good chance that TC will be able to telepathically transmit it to me, but he has almost a perverse sense of humor as EP Blingermeyer so he might randomly replace words...I digress....) what the beach is like in Terra.

It's pretty.  I mean, the beach in Miami on the right day is gorgeous on Earth, but in Terra we haven't had Captain Planet villains try to destroy the world, and we solved the climate change problem a while ago (again, because while we might have Super Villains, we don't have totally nihilistic morons....) so its even more gorgeous.  The water is crystal blue, the sky is even bluer and the air is so crisp and clean it will make you want to weep.  It will especially want to make you weep if Ed's Onions and Onion Rings Emporium is open.

There are a few difference.  Since our oceans are not dumping grounds for all the chemicals that you can get away with, there are less Jellyfish, which means a better swim, and because the earth was pulled slightly closer to the earth by a Terran Mage (because he could), so we also have better waves for surfing.  Surfer culture plus Miami is pretty interesting.  The most interesting colored surf boards that you ever saw...

Still, even paradise can have its hazards.

The hidden soviet submarine base is a major tourist attraction, especially since the city refuses to acknowledge it exists which means hoards of toursists randomly snorkeling every year trying to find it. About one in ten does, and they have to be ransomed all over again by the Shadow State Department.  You thought the email server thing was a big thing in your world..imagine if it actually contained information about the hidden world.  I mean, for Christ's sake, you had the Guardian exposing information on the Nazi base on the dark side of the moon.  Fortunately, our populace has been selectively bred by vampires and fairies over the ages to deliberately ignore things that They Are Not Supposed to See, so most people ignored it...but our version of Elon Musk is currently planning an exploratory mission to the moon to see if its there.  I think that one way or the other, in years to come, Terra will resemble Earth less and less.  I am still mastering the techniques of Astral Project but I think this might make it prohibitively difficult to find you.

I will miss Earth, for all its abject stupidity.  I think all humans, no matter what world they live in, need stories and need to be part of stories.  Its a shame we can't meet somewhere in the middle between Terra and Earth...

Of the 9 in 10 that don't find the hidden soviet submarine base, there are about 1 in 20 who are eaten by Deep Ones.  The local Deep Ones have considerably more taste than Insmouth.  They are almost human looking and they tend to have perfected meticulously practiced Jersey accents.  In fact, the better the Jersey accent, the more likely they are to be a deep one.  More than half of them are pretty decent and really don't try to eat people.  They just accept that the world will end when the Stars are in Alignment and just party until it ends.

I am slowly preparing for an expidition to Carcosa to learn about my family heritage.  I dread this, but don't want to speak more of it at this time.  Until later faithful reader.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

[Script] Peterpan vs Frankenstein vs Superman - Page 8

Scene: The lab.  The skies are dark and storming (for no reason).  A bike, created from many other bike parts, cars, a bit of boat and  stitched together with wire, duct tape and stitches.

Scene: Lightning strikes a lightning rod in the roof of the house

Scene: A table rises up into the sky.

Scene: The lightning strikes the bike

Scene: A reflector light on the bike lights up

Scene: The table descends


Frankenstein: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah (clapping hands)

Scene: Peter, Superman and Frankenstein on Frankenbike are all lined up on bikes.  Dr. Frankenstein and Denny are on the side.

Superman: Ready?

(Frankenstein and Peter nod.  Twinkerbell flickers as a light on Peter's Bike)

Superman: Set

(Everyone moves to position)

Superman: GO!

(All hell breaks lose, Frankbike and Frankstein surge forward making the earth shake.  Peter and Twinkerbell take off into the air and Superman's bike's handle bars come off because he's too strong for the damn bike.)

Superman: Poop.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

[Heliotrope] The Rearrangers

Did you ever wonder why you had such big business blunders on Earth? Well there's a rather famous book by one of TC's uncles that explains why people are so idiotic where you're from, Terra the situation is more complicated. I know that many of you haven't had a chance to read heliotrope yet, primarily because it hasn't actually been released yet.

But one question you are likely to ask, is why something so incredibly valuable as spells of time travel would be lying around for anyone to pick it up. That's a very good question. First, the book in question was in the Royal Library. So it was reasonable for them to assume that the book was at least somewhat guarded. Another thing you have to remember, is that where I am from stories are much rarer and good stories are rarer still.  Time travel stories are very difficult. We simply don't have as many of them for people to learn some of the things that you can do with it.

Among Outer Fairy, another reason time travel is not is the Hooligans from middle fairy called the Rearrangers.  This group of goblins enjoys causing as much Havoc as possible. Even other goblins are embarrassed by them. Ever wake up one day and find your entire life and turned around? Perhaps you were a well-loved American superhero who fought Nazis, only to wake up and find out that you are one... You can thank the Rearrangers. In our reality, we had a new Coke. But it wasn't caused by poor marketing. It was caused by goblins. One morning we had Coke they tasted good. The next morning we had garbage. Sometimes they let people remember... And sometimes they don't. Sometimes Han shot first... And sometimes last. In case you were wondering, and our Star Wars who shot last in the original.  As I said, in our universe the stories aren't as good.

Fairies by and large don't mind a reputation for Mayhem. But the adjusters are so sloppy about it, they often make it look like they're just idiotic middle managers you haven't got any creativity left.  Point for point you can't tell the difference between Earth idiots and a lot of really stupid things on Terra. Are you going to use time travel for totally lame things? Why even bother...

So in case you were wondering... Yes it was a brief opening between Terra and Earth because the mentally deficient people at Marvel Comics to turn Captain America into a Nazi.  Reality breeches have consequences.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

[Script] Peterpan vs Frankenstein vs Superman Page 7

Peter Pan: What are the stakes?

Superman: If you win, you get to court Denny.

Frankenstein: And if my monster wins?

Superman: He keeps away from your family.  Forever.

(Peter looks stricken)

Peter Pan: No!

Superman: And if I win, and, by the way, I can go faster than the speed of light, you all face justice. Frankenstein for assault and Peter Pan for lewdness and assault.

Frankenstein Monster: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Superman: That's the deal.  Otherwise we rumble.  Either of you wanna take those odds?

Denny: Excuse me, I'm right here.  Don't I get a say in this?

(He pats her head)

Monday, May 23, 2016

[The 500] Falling Behind

It was my last day as a taxi driver.  Twenty years ago, no one would have cared.  They would have gotten another job somewhere; truck driver, retail worker, fast food.  Those were the glory days before the robots.  Its not like they didn't warn us, we needed to have some kind of a system to accomodate people who weren't developers.  But we just didn't care.  God knows I didn't.  I was having a great time.  I remember the teens with fun; twenties were better.

But you kinda noticed it, even then, even if you didn't want to.  Robot here; robot there.  But hey, work hard, play hard.  It was a free market.  It's all good.

And I did work hard.  I got my first job as a taxi driver when I was 19, and I was good at it.  That's why it took me so long to notice; sure Uber and Lyft and all of the alphabet soup medicine companies were doing ride sharing; but the companies were assholes.  I was the driver with a personal touch.  People got along with me and I got along with them.

Eventually, the robots took all the jobs from the uber drivers who were taking it from taxi drivers.  And I just smirked because people were always gonna want a personal touch, not some fucking robot to drive them somewhere. I had survived the touch times, and now I was In Like Flynn.

The job changed and I changed with it.  Needed to wear a tux while you were driving? No problem.  Needed First aid training? No problem.  Needed to be able to be a fully liscenced bar tender capable of running the mini bar while driving? No problem.

I got training in psychology, etiqutte, fashion, self defense, stunt driving and the local history of the city.  The bar kept going up and up and I went with it.  There came a point where Taxi driver was synonymous with Rocket Scientist or Brain surgeon.  And I reveled in it.  At a time of 33% unemployment, and the rest of the world reached Post Industrial status, the United States became a backwater gulag for all but the 1%.

I was the 1%, so I didn't care.

But the higher you rise, the harder you fall; a lesson I learned all too well.  It wasn't Robots or Ninjas (they became a thing in 2025, don't ask) or cyborgs (2030) or zombies (2035), but keys. I lost the keys to the car.  Its a simple thing, right? I mean people lose their car keys, but not if you are a Taxi Driver.  You are expected to be the best of the best.   You are in the care of this 2 million dollar vehicle.  It is smarter than you are, but you are its human face.

If you lose your keys; its like mixing up the medication on your elderly grandparent.  Who wouldn't want to steal a taxi?

So of course my Taxi fired me.  I don't blame it.

But being unemployed is a 60 hour job now; you never have time to train or look for a real job.   Church, dancing, proxy voting, training in the Trump value book..it never ends.

I enjoyed my moment in the sun.  I regret nothing.

Except losing my keys.

Friday, May 20, 2016

[Writer Stuff] Broadleaf Writer's Association

A friend of mine belongs to these guys.  There website can be found here.  I am doing grant writing for them because they're a worthy cause.  If you are an indy author, you need all the help you can get.  Now there are writing associations in Miami, but for one reason or another they haven't really appealed to me yet.  I'll find the right fit, but Decatur and Atlanta has a thriving literary tradition, and the Broadleaf association is the perfect example of how such an association should work ideally.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

[Script] Peter Pan vs Frankenstein vs Superman - Page 6

(Superman flies over to Denny and hovers in front of her)

Superman: Shame on you for kicking that poor man in the testacles? Do you have any idea how much that hurts a male human?

Denny: He's not human anymore.  He's more fae than human.  And he's been stalking my family for over a hundred years.  He's the ultimate pedophile.

Superman: Ew.  Is this true? (Looks at Peter)

Peter: OW.  No.  I am just an innocent....

Twinkerbell tinkles and agrees.

(Superman puts his hands on his hips.)
Superman: Well clearly this is a kettle of fish in a barrel of monkeys.

(Dr Frankenstein and Frankenstein and Denny all look at each other confused.)

Denny: What?

Superman: There is only one way to deal with this...

Denny: A court of law where he respects the restraining order we took out 50 years ago?

Superman: Silly girl.  No.  Obviously this calls for a Bike Race.

(Dr. Frankenstein, Twinkerbell, Peter, Frankenstein all nod in agreement as if this makes perfect sense.  Denny looks incredulous.)

Denny: What?!

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

[Heliotrope] The Museum of Erotic Art - Miami

It is a known fact that Miami was established in large part for the entertainment of the Sunfires, who are royalty in Outer Fae.  What is not known so well is for the last hundred or fourty years; the city and all Outer Fairy has been under the iron grip of Grandfather Fiddleback.  Large amounts of this are already documented in the Heliotropic Book of Fairy tales which will eventually be released to the public.

Grandfather Fiddleback has systematically destroyed control of the Sunfires from the city one bastion at a time.  The Sunfires are relaxed, open to art an generally approve of being relaxed about sexuality; the Fiddlebacks are exactly the opposite.   In the 13th century, Miriam Fiddleback first imported large amounts of monotheistic ritual and worship into the state sponsored religion of Fiddleback territory.  You'd think in a realm of actual magic, a religion that offered almost nothing in the way of actual results or power for its worshippers would be ignored by the populace, even if it was imposed at the point of the sword, but you'd be wrong.  The Ooga Booga (what the Fiddleback mockery of Christianity and various other earth religions was called) proved to be quite popular, such that it was spread to other worlds.

So, bottom line, the World Exotic Art Museum, contrary to expectations is not secretly owned and staffed by Fae.  But it is, however, patroned by them.  The owner of the collection there, was one of the worlds great patrons of erotic art; and at one point one of them was kind to a member of House Sunfire.  Like all those who have even a drop of Fae blood, courtesy is repaid forever and unkindness is also repaid forever.  It is what makes individuals like Mr. Kind so deadly; they just o good in the world with no expectation of return and as result gain actually the more.  Of course, horrible horrible horrible things can and still do happen to good people but that is another story.

This quiet invisible struggle is not actually by a sunfire.  Except for Michael, they're all snuffed out; but one of the ladies in waiting by Wisdom Sunfire; Charity, who has carefully protected all of the artistic spots of Miami an the doors between Outer Fae and Terra so that at least the nobles could visit and see that Terrans were capable of amazing things and worthy of respect.  Charity employes several guards that stand viligant at all times, ready to help any noble bold enough to defy Fiddleback a way through; by right passage is theirs.  In practice, it just doesn't happen because Priests of the Ooga Booga stand guard in Sunfire City and Miami, disguised as regular folks to report anyone who defies Fiddleback and the Ooga Booga.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

[Script] Peter Pan vs Frankenstein vs Superman - Page 5

Denny: What the fuck is going on here?

Superman: It should be obvious, this young man is being crushed by this monster.

Denny: First, his name is Frank.  He's a very sensitive soul.
(Denny walks forward and hugs Frankenstein.  Doctor Frankenstein looks uncomfortable at the humanization of his creation)

Peter Pan: No, I'm just an innocent victim in this

(Frankenstein crushes Peter's neck more, making him purple.)

Superman: Cut that out this instant!
(Flies faster than the speed of film and grabs Frankenstein's hand.  Frankenstein looks shocked and drops Peter in pain.  Peter immediately flies over and begins licking Denny's cheek.)

Denny: Ew!
(Kicks Peter in the testacles.  Peter stops licking and writhes around on the floor in pain.)

Monday, May 16, 2016

[Naked City Atlanta - Glory] Brandy Is Real

Everything is better in Terra.  I know that sounds like a mere pipe dream but you have to understand that I've spent quite a bit of time in your world helping TC write the crap that he produces and slowly building my own reputation in my world.  I know the difference between my world and yours; and sure, there are a lot of things you have that we don't, but thanks to being part of a story instead of just telling them and thinking about other worlds, we've had some key moments that keep us from being total dumbasses.

I mean, for example, we elected President Hamburger; total dumbass, totally corrupt, total chimp of a human being.  But he wasn't Bush.

And Trump?

I'm laughing at the superior story world.  Seriously.  I mean what the hell were you people thinking? Sure, not all of you support him, in fact most of you don't but you all know hipster douches who think they're above politics or both sides are the same.  Seriously? I mean, if you can't tell the difference between Republicans and Democrats, you can't tell the difference between Creme brule and Dog shit.

Oh, I know.  Its not my world and I shouldn't interfere.  Look, we have the Whigs and the Progressives.  Whigs still lie like rugs, and are isolationist fruitloops but they acknowledge man made climate change.  In fact we put up a solar shade to help regulate climate change ten years ago.  Carbon cap and trade? Done.  We're not as high tech as you in some areas but...whatever.

This was not meant to turn into a rant; it is just so quirky to me how much of a link there is between our worlds.  For example, that song about Brandy being a fine wife but not marrying the dumbass who was married to the sea?

Not so much a dumbass in a world of fairies and vampires and magic.  That sailor's name was Plank Deadleton; and Brandy is a real person.  I met her when I went up to Vermont on a research expidition for Blingermeyer back in the day.   Plank really had married the sea.  Well, he married a Nereid who was an actual daughter of Neptune so practically same difference.  So, first of all, by all accounts they really loved each other, but at the same time, have you ever dealt with an angry Nereid? Psycho bitches from hell they are, just one step removed from Harpies which only a fool fucks with.

But Plank did want Brandy.  They had a single tryst, and you remember that line from the song, "The Sea in all her Raging Glory"?  Glory is his daughter.  So when the Nereid came one day when the little girl was 10 to try and have a Reckoning, Glory caused the pipes in the bar to burst as she summoned all the water in a one mile radius and spat that bitch back into the sea.

Glory is not someone you want to fuck with.

Last I checked, Glory is 25 years old, and involved in some secret government spook squad helping to keep fairies and the old powers in check, but she works for them because she wants to, not because she has been black mailed like so many others who work for them.  If they knew about me, I'd probably be shanghaid at some point. Astral projection is a highly valuable skill.

Anyway, until later.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Title for Seventh Novel - Zlekwelrkjrlwer werlwekrjwelrkjwerlwekrwe rwelrkjwerlwkejrwlrjwerl

Made as 20 second joke about Search Engine Optimization and about how hard finding my novel Grenademan vs the Zombies is.

So of course that MUST be the actual title of my seventh (and possibly final) novel.

As a side note, Julia bit the bullet and is reading raw/only spell checked Heliotrope and likes it.

I mean...she is biased, but still.


Zlekwelrkjrlwer werlwekrjwelrkjwerlwekrwe rwelrkjwerlwkejrwlrjwerl

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

[Heliotrope] The Null of Null Island

It is tempting to write nothing about Null Island.

Give in to temptation.


Saturday, May 7, 2016

Dry spell

There will be the occasionally skipped week folks.  I'm in a period where writing of any kind is difficult but be assured I will almost always finish a project I start which means at least the current script and at least once a week updates for all the crap that needs to go into heliotrope, and mondays are just fun.

We'll see if I can start the research for the non fic book, maybe even this week.  September at the least.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016