Tuesday, February 28, 2017

[Script] Hot Tin Lizzie Goes Up and Out - Page 2

Scene: Lizzie slowly works her way out of the cables and large vats of chemicals.  The voice over stops as she leaves the garage which is very cleverly concealed among the timbers and aluminum siding.

Scene: Lizzie walks through a very desolated town, almost empty. A few people look around, many of the men are missing limbs and all the women are frightened in one way or another, all of them.

Scene: Lizzie stops and finds a small kitten making mewling sounds.  At first she ignores it, everyone else is.  She walks past.

Scene: Lizzie turns around a corner and then stops.

Lizzie: Shit.

Scene: Lizzie turns back around and looks it over for a few moments and then picks it up as she resumes her walk home.

Monday, February 27, 2017

The Candy King Can

I have already mentioned that what happens in Earth is reflected in Terra.  So much so, that to fight President Polyester, EP Blingermeyer has begun to recruit some individuals to go to Earth to deal with President Tinkle...simply to help us.  (Terra is kind of incredulous that Earth could vote for something like that without the Toxic Waste dumps used by Polyester, and TC's jokes about Meth aside, these people just....wow.)  But there are other ways that it manifests.

One of them is the Candy King, once absconded to Outer Fairy and changed in all kinds of interesting ways, given knowledge and secrets about how to make sugar and confections that defied imagining.  He rescued a tribe of Orange Dwarves from a hidden island in the North Sea and had them build a most magical Factory.  He's known throughout the world and at one point opened his reclusive compound to a select group of seven children.  Those that weren't eaten were given a life time supply...you get the idea.

What's fascinating is how much Emmit has begun looking at this story lately.  I think he's planning on some kind of poem like he did with Odysseus and Fenris.  Lovely subject matter but the Candy King is not quite as...whimsical as his Terran counter part.  I'm not sure people will appreciate all the blood and a graphic description of what really happened to those children that failed the test.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

[Script] Hot Tin Lizzie Goes Up and Out - Page 1

Scene - Lizzie is working on a something in her garage.

Voice Over: Hi.  I'm Lizzie.  I'm working on a space ship.

Lizzie reaches for something deep inside of the machine and grunts.

Voice Over: Why? Well, in 2045 in the deep of Appalacia, a woman my age has three choices; get Joyed, go west or go up.  And not many people go up these days.  The Greaters have put a mine field two hundred miles wide that goes all the way from the Great South Wall to the Great North Wall.  No thanks.

Lizzie screams with mild frustration as some oil splashes her on the face.

Voice Over: And I like sex too much to be joyed.  I don't sleep around, but its my choice.  Daddy moved us out here for a reason.

Lizzie stops, pensive, looking out the garage as she grabs a rag and rubs her eye.

Voice Over: Daddy.  He isn't what he used to be.  He's a good man but Noma has him wrapped around her little finger.  He was just so lonely after Mama left.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Kinds of Changlings

The practice of Fae folk nabbing hapless mortals is as old as Fae itself, which is to say, older than time.  But there are a lot of different kinds of changlings.  The most 'classic' example of someone from Fae stealing a human child and replacing it with a Fae to be raised as their own is the most widely known and also occurred but even then, there are different kinds of replacements.

Inner Fae: Sometimes the royals would hide a member of a royal house to be raised as their own among the common folk.  Before the Great Sealing, this happened all the time, and in most of the fairy tales where the royal was raised by common folk, that actually occurred on Terra, not in Inner Fae.  Inner Fae was fantastically dangerous, and most common folk had at least a little magic not the least of which, how to tell if someone had stolen their child and replaced it with a noble.  To be clear, most common folk before High King Fiddleback were more than happy to have a royal take one of their children or lie with their daughter (or son) since it was a chance at great wealth down the line.

Middle Fae: This is what most people think of as Fae.  These enchanted children never return while the fae eventually finds out what it is and makes its way to the other side of the veil.  Humans make great servants for Fae because they are so easily enchanted and controlled, and usually the combined contracts, treaties and inter tribal rivalries give even the lowest dew drop pixie rights that a human simply does not have.  At least a Terran that is, since some kinds of fae ascribe rights to the inhabitants of Inner Fae.

Outer Fae:  This strange and chaotic place is pure magic.  Humans taken here are often simply incapable of dealing with or understanding reality when they return to it.  God help any family that hosts a creature from Outer Fae.  Ever see the Children of the Corn? That's a  mild case at best.

It Never Happened: One of the cruelest tricks played by the Fae is simply to implant a suspicion that their own child has been replaced when no such substition ever occurred.  This is done very often to those who abuse guest right or are ungracious hosts.  It is particually reserved for those that call them satanic in some form or another.

One Baby For Another: Sometimes Fae just like to change children for other children.  This is a particular favorite of theirs with next door neighbors, where, as the child ages large, incredibly stupid males think that their women have been unfaithful.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

[Script] Hot Tin Lizzie Goes Up and Out

Script - Hot Tin Lizzie Goes Up and Out

Lizzie - When you're a woman in the year 2045, one of three things happens to you; you get Joyed (where they cut off your ability to enjoy sex per the Virtuous Women Act of 2023), you flee to California or you go to Space, but Space X has been outlawed in the US for 10 years.  Lizzie aims to build her own ship.

Daddy - Daddy was smart enough to move them to Kentucky when they started seriously enforcing the VWA, but now that they are using robot docs, even the back of beyond isn't safe.  Daddy isn't what he used to be but Lizzy would still like to take him with her.

Noma - "NotMama" - Daddy's second wife.  Not Mama is a collaborator.  She has always believed in the VWA and being Great.  She's also been Joyed and is secretly rather bitter.

Lazodela - NotMama's second daughter, looking forward to voluntarily complying with the VWA.  She thinks Lizzie bears a striking resemblance to Lilith in the Great Network's potrayal of Kinda Near Eden.

Mayor Rob - All about being Great.   Hates California.  Hates new things.  Hates Daddy.  Wants to marry Lizzie.

President Musk - President of the Orbital Republic.  Routinely broadcasts to Earth.

Monday, February 20, 2017


So after some astral projection, trying to find realities that were not stupid enough to elect an echo of President Tinkle (We elected President Polyester in Terra, more on him and his Disco Zombies later), I took another look at Wonderbreadland, where TC's soul had been stuck for a few decades, permanently warping him in a negative way.  Turns out that Wonderbreadland doesn't call itself that, but actually called Mana.  Most of the cities in the New World have Book of Fred names like Washingtoniaha, New York Cityahemla, Salt Lake Cityiaha, and Philidelphia.  Everyone is happy, by design.  As children, they have practiced a particular form of brain surgery perfected by the Reformed Egyptians on their world removing a small amount of their frontal lobe reducing their ability to judge reality.  So they can turn anything that they don't like off like a light switch.

But say what you will about Mana, it didn't elect President Tinkle.  Right now, their President is President White Horse, owner of the largest chain of used car dealerships in the United States and is single handledly having been attributed to saving the constitution.  For over a hundred and fifty years, they have had a special ceremony where their constitution is dangled by a thread over a fire pit, only to have it saved by their President and Prophet.  Mana is also unique in that magic works quite well there (though only Monotheistic magic, good or evil) and that time travel is quite regular.  What their president declares that they believe is changed by a dedicated band of secret followers known as the Gadianton Nazarines.  They travel back in time with their magic tennis shoes and make sure that whoever needs killing is dealt with so that they never even existed.

The reason they never elected a President Tinkle or a President Polyester is because both of them were smothered in the crib before they were more than a day old.

Friday, February 17, 2017


by Emmit Other

So I said to myself
I said Hey Honey
Its not the size
Its how you use it
And if you're going to spend time 
In the basement garage attic
Of the collective unconcious
You'd better know the house rules
Don't take the leftovers in the fridge man
So if you're gonna do this
Do it right
Or jack
back over again
we'll turn you round and around
Until you do it again and again
Doctor Strange had it right
Don't bring time to the timeless
Unless you're prepared to win the spork fight
You're gone john
you're wiped
We've got your number
You are measured
Expecto Exacto Patronus
These are not the droids you're looking for
Make your time
That entry is not valid
You have been disconnected
Good bye

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Tastes Like Chicken

It is a known, but highly distrubing fact that to the Humans of Terra and Inner Fairy, talking animals tastes better than their non talking counter part.  The infamous Rue de Chair is a street of corrals, pens, farms and restaurants in Inner Fairy which caters to breeding, raising and butchering talking animals.  While cows, chickens and pigs were the most popular attractions, they also included the occasional dog, horse, seal, cat, mouse or fruitbat.  This phenemonea seems entirely restricted to talking mammals; talking birds are largely the same.  Why then did the Rue de Chair raise talking chickens in addition?

Because everyone wanted to try talking chicken as a comparison to everything else.  As an interesting side note, inhabitants of Earth find talking animals to taste like ink or film or air depending on what form of story medium they most prefer.  Indeed, it was extensive expirmentation on the chemical residue of talking animals compared to animals from Terra, Mana, Gaia and Earth that led to a discovery of the infusion of not just magic but also story that caused them to have a dash of reality.

The inhabitants of Gaia, curiously enough, find the taste of talking animals vile and toxic.  Too much blood or flesh of a talking animal causes them to begin to have traits of the very animals they are consuming which leads many to believe the creation of fish men, pig men or goat men might actually do to the over consumption of such flesh by inhabitants at one time.  The less said about the inhabitants of Mana and their consumption of such flesh the better.