[Script] Unfood - Page 8

CONTINUED: 8. JUDGE I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. FREIGHT Well, it would be nice. JUDGE I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. FRIEGHT I demand a lawyer. JUDGE Demand denied. FREIGHT Your laws are totally different than ours. How am I supposed to defend myself? My crew? JUDGE Unlike your laws, ours are simple enough that anyone can understand them. FREIGHT Well can I have like....a chance to read them? A door opens up. A very large man in armor comes in and sets a large book of laws about the side of a hardback novel onto the table. All three jump backwards in shock. FREIGHT What the hell?! Can I get a stay to read it. JUDGE No. FREIGHT Well can I read it now? JUDGE Yes. Freight nods and proceeds to read the law. KENDRA Really? We can’t take time to read the new laws? (CONTINUED)

[Script] Unfood - Page 7

CONTINUED: 7. FREIGHT (QUIETLY) fuck. ACT 1 SCENE 2 SCENE INTERIOR – NIGHT – CONFEDERATION COURT The scene is rather stark. A single white marblish bench lies in the center of the room with a light shining down upon it. The court, and the judge is shown in shadow off to the side so that their identity can be properly concealed. There are no papers of any kind on the bench. Just the three defendants, all dressed in stark white robes which glare in the reflection of the light that shines down upon them. JUDGE We find you guilty. How do you plead? KENDRA Real cool. Guilty until proven innocent? JUDGE The weight in your case is overwhelming. FREIGHT Look, this was all just a big misunderstanding. JUDGE Oh? FREIGHT That’s right. JUDGE I think this unlikely, but you are permitted a defense. FREIGHT Well, basically that cargo was placed on our ship by someone else against our knowledge. JUDGE So someone else just put it there? FREIGHT That’s right. (CONTINUED)

Grenademan vs the Zombies - Chapter 9

Jarvi starts the actual factual apocalypse with blood and snark zombies.

Written by TC Ricks

Performed by Rhombus Ticks

Text edited by Fiona Skye

Sound edited by Grayson Bergmann

Check out this episode!

Fantastic Interview re: Grenademan Vs the Zombies on Author Universe Radio by Nancy Gaskins

Download it here or see it on her facebook page on Facebook!

[Script] Unfood - Page 6

CONTINUED: 6. AARON I’m on it! Aaron runs to the back. SCENE INT – HALL – DAY Aaron runs through the corridors of the Margaret. SCENE INT – CARGO BAY – DAY Aaron runs into a chamber with a lot of doors and pulls open a door. He takes a container of fuel and pours it on the silvery packets and lights them. SCENE EXT – SPACE – NIGHT The Margaret slows down. A large Confed warship pulls up behind them and unleashes grappling cables. SCENE INT – BRIDGE OF THE MARGARET FREIGHT Kendra, is there anything we can do to ditch these guys? KENDRA I’ll see what I can do but.... SCENE INT – CARGO BAY – DAY Welding lights appear on the wall of the Margret’s Cargo hold. AARON Uh. Guys. I think we’re breached. SCENE INT – BRIDGE – DAY FREIGHT FUCK! Freight slides down in the captain’s chair and puts his hands on his head, trying to think. (CONTINUED)

[Script] Unfood - Page 5

CONTINUED: 5. KENDRA I dunno. I hear they’re awfully fast. AARON I hear they’re inhumanly fast. FREIGHT Didn’t they just fight a while big war about that? Look, they’re human. Humans are humans. AI’s are human. Genemods are human. Now THAT kind of talk will get you in trouble. Just chill OK? KENDRA Something on the sensors. Freight appears slightly nervous. FREIGHT What is it? KENDRA Can’t tell. AARON FUCK! FREIGHT What is it? AARON It’s a warship! FREIGHT They found us?! KENDRA They found us. FREIGHT Dump the cargo. KENDRA No time. They’re too close. Freight stands up and moves back and forth nervously. FREIGHT Burn it. Burn the worst stuff. We can’t get it all but we can avoid the death sentence. (CONTINUED)

Letters to Rhombus

So from time to time I get some fan mail.  It's interesting and fun stuff. I'm glad to be able to work on it, because it gives me a chance to connect with people.  We have a facebook page and you can hear the email to contact us with on the podcast.  To keep things interesting, I won't disclose which reality which is from.

Q: Dear Rhombus, what podcasts do you listen to?

Good question. In my reality I listen to Mixamax, Got Dirt? And the Ernest P Blingameyer Mint Chandalier Variety Hour and Salon of Doom show.

In your reality, Reckless Peril with Berny Clarke is fun, when it broadcasts Naked City Atlanta and Write Club Atlanta...I also liken to Welcome to Nightvale, This American Life and Serial. Those guys on How Stuff Works are a blast.

Q: What do you like to read?

Well, obviously anything by TC, Emmit Other, or Redwin Tursor.  Or myself :D

But I also like Fiona Skye and Jack Babylon.  Jim Butcher, Terry Patchet, Niel Gaimon, Roger Zelzazny and I even like Martin but let me tell you as a fictional character that guy terrifies me.  Neil Stephson is pretty amazing too.

Q: If you could visit anywhere you wanted, where would you go?

Places in both realities that I'd love to visit includes France, London, Japan, Egypt (if it were safe), Peru and Argentina.  Some fictional places include Psuedo Texas, Metropolis, The Library of Alexandria preserved, Amber, and maybe Diagonally.  Bravos might be fun for TC but I'd be too afraid of being killed.

Q: What do you plan to write?

Well, I think I have an idea about some of the  fairy tales in Miami that might be interesting, and then beyond that TC story idea list is pretty  impressive, so I'll be looking at the best of those but of course with  my own twist.

Q: If you could have any super power, what would it be?

TC's answer was more conventional; Wish Granting or Teleportation.  Me? I'd choose super kindness.  The world needs so much more of it. I'm not  sure how it would work, but I'm flexible.

Just the Bumpers

We're still working on getting our process down but we do now have permanent bumpers and a single episode in the can which is being edited.  We should be back to our regular style of programming next week.

If you can call anything we do regular.

Check out this episode!

Neat Interview re: Grenademan Vs the Zombies on Writer's Interviews Here

Here.

[Script] Unfood - Page 4

CONTINUED: 4. FREIGHT AND YOU SHUT UP. We all know you’re a Cthulhu worshiper. AARON Cultist Orthodox twice reformed. KENDRA If you took better care of the ship (beat) You need to take better care of the ship. FREIGHT You think I don’t know that, but after this run we’ll be just fine. KENDRA Freight...about this run.... FREIGHT Yeah yeah yeah. We’ve all heard about how nasty the Confed is. Look, they’re not gods. Just genetically modified. Besides, after this, we’ll move on to safer parts. KENDRA I still say we dump the cargo. This stuff is dangerous. This stuff could be used to make illegal AI’s. Slave AI’s. FREIGHT Can’t do that if you want to fix the ship. KENDRA Can’t fix the ship if we’re on Shitworld. Aaron stops smiling. AARON Fucking don’t talk about Shitworld. Dude. Its seriously bad luck. Like major bad mojo. FREIGHT RELAX. We’ll be fine. We’re almost there. The Confed hasn’t even finished setting things up since they won. (CONTINUED)

[Script] Unfood - Page 3

CONTINUED: 3. AARON GOD! WHY OH WHY Have thou forsaken us? FREIGHT You idiot. He laughs and punches Aaron’s shoulder. AARON It is true lord, I am an idiot. Wouldst the thou take that into consideration in the repair of our ship? A spontaneous miracle? Kendra smirks amused but doesn’t join in with the laughing. She points to the left. KENDRA You know Sol is about that way. If you’re looking for God, he’s probably there. AARON God is everywhere. KENDRA So is his Noodliness. AARON BLASPHEME. KENDRA Right back at you. All stare and look at each other for a moment and then break into laughter, Aaron first, then Freight, then finally Kendra. A small alarm beeps. Kendra examines a sensor log. She shakes her head. KENDRA Another chunk of the ship just blew off. FREIGHT GOD DAMN IT! AARON Forgive him lord, he knows not what he says. (CONTINUED)

And what of Sex?

So Rhombus, you live in a swamp.  Well. No.  I work in a swamp.  I live in a Bayou.   I also work in the more swampy part of that Bayou.  Bit this is not a shack.  It is a home in tje 1940's style originally built by speculation on the return of GIs and purchased shortly after Hurricane Heimdal.  Cheap.

I felt that because TC and I share some similarities, that I should outline some differences.  I have never had hangups with the human relations that plagued T.C. in his captive years in wonderbreadland.  But that also means I do not habe the resilience of spirit.

I gave up after my first love.  She was a lovely creature of the sea, and I met her in Miami.  I return sometimes.  Random relations are nice, but I am one given to ine and only one love.  What happened to her you ask?

There is a reason I haunt a bridge to other worlds.

But that is another tale.

How I Met TC

Includes two anecdotes from the blog. Also this still is and will remain the Tossing Grenades at Windmills' podcasts despite the errors in the first bumper that says 'redanvilproductions' and the second that says 'reanvilamalgamated'...

 

Should be fixed soon.

Edited by Grayson Bergmann

Check out this episode!

[Script] Unfood - Page 2

Cleanup Crew Leader, Tech 1&2: Three people who have to clean up the mess that is left after Governor - The Governor of Shitworld. A petty beuracrat who has too much power for his own good. ACT 1 SCENE 1 - EXT WIDE SHOT OF THE MARGARET FLYING THROUGH DEEP SPACE – NIGHT A large chunk of metal just randomly flies off of the ship and floats into the camera. INT – CONTROL ROOM OF THE MARGARTET – DAY FREIGHT, Aaron and Kendra sit at their various control stations talking. The cockpit is cluttered with posters and other random brickabrack that make a very tight space more livable for the three of them as they travel the vastness of space. FREIGHT Are you sure? KENDRA Yes. We’ve got about 50000 coins worth of repair work. At the least. FREIGHT Well...that sucks. That is going to cost us about a third of the run. (beat) Damn it. We are this close to being able to retire. You know we can just let the ship rot. KENDRA Don’t talk about the Margaret like that. She’s home. FREIGHT Any home can’t last forever. Freight looks at the ceiling and rolls around in his chair. He gazes at Kendra who frowns and then he moves his head toward Aaron. Aaron imitates Freight’s actions but parodies to make them even more extreme. Then Aaron begins to weep and wail. He knocks over a nearby ash tray and spreads the ashes over his shirt. He rips it and appeals to the heavens. (CONTINUED)

[Script] Unfood - Page 1

Unfood by Tom Drake Dramatis Personae Freight Kasniket – He is an overly ambitious starship captain willing to cut some corners to make a quick buck so he can retire. He is very loyal to his crew, but he is willing to gamble with their lives to risk it all by smuggling one last big score. The Blob - Petty, Stupid, Fat. He has more money than God and less idea what to do with it. He has little to nothing to live for except his money and his various excessive ways to display it. He is everything that Freight isn’t...unambitious in every way. Without his weight, he will be even more lost. He is desperate for any edge he can give himself to keep it, and so is willing to pay to keep it. Whatever it takes. Also a bit somewhat accident prone. Kendra Sunmire – Navigator for the Margaret and First mate. She plays the straight man to the awesome trio, and is also somewhat responsible. But she also doesn’t put up with bullshit on their parts. She is often the Cassandra of the group where her warning are unheeded or ignored. On better days that means she’s there to post bail for them in the morning. On worst days, it means that Freight helps to ruin her life. Aaron Bilay – The ultimate stoner and also a kind gregarious fellow. He’s funny and he knows it. However there is the sensitive soul of a poet underneath the snarky exterior. Too much hardship will destroy him. Bob – He is the second maintenance robot in the Fatship. He knows how to find things and knows how to make his mission shine. Bob doesn’t talk but sometimes you can still swear he’s saying something by the way he clicks. Gerald Danes - A spokesman hired by the Confederation to do an industrial video about how the laws regarding health care are going to change for the sector. He is charismatic and charming. The Judge - A member of the confederation and a genetically modified human. He is very large and intimidating but speaks with a very gentle voice. He is calm and rational despite the fact that he looks like he could crush anyone before him like an insect. Ship’s Computer - The Fatship’s computer isn’t really intelligent. But it does a very good job of pretending like it is. It is extremely friendly because it has to be. Friendliness and customer service are mandatory citizen. Warrior - A confed warrior who serves as bailiff to the judge.

The Dangers of Too Much Story

So I'm not about to start doing politics in this world or yours; everyone knows how most politicians are, why add to the wind?

But if you compared something dangerous, like say the Cult of Death in the middle east.  I suppose I should come up with a name for my world...maybe Esperanza?  It's totally random, but it'll do just the same.  Where was I? Ah yes, Esperanza.  The Cult of Death hear believes in spreading itself as far and wide as it can, and they're crazy.

In Wonderbread Land it is the Korialailieleehahaha Robbers.  The language in Wonderbreadland is very Hawaiin sounding, but they're not actually Hawaiain.  They're supposed to be native American or something, I guess.  But both the Cult of Death and the Robbers are badass insane guys, but they don't need to blow up monuments because they're not really religions and their stories are weaker.


Then you have your world, we'll call it Library...because of how much story you have.  It's a spin off of Islam called Isis, which is an Egyptian Goddess,even though that isn't what they're about.  They're recruiting people all over the internet, blow up monuments and have to go to the most extreme of any extreme they possibly can.  Why? Because of the reputation and story that have developed as the new Caliphate.  Stories are dangerous.  Stories are powerful.

I'm interested in learning more about your world and telling more and better  stories, but live there?

NOOO thank you.

Technical Difficulties

So...our process is still improving but rather than have another 'hole' we found a rather...unorthydox workaround....should be back to normal next week.

Check out this episode!

Oops

Pay no attention to that page 7...yet...finally figured out how to get celtx to output in a format for the blog...

Under Construction

Clearly this will be more difficult than I thought. There will need to be some procedural changes and potentially the purchase of a Pre Amp. Changes coming soon. Look for it.