[Script] Grenademan Vs the Zombies - Act 1, Scene 2

 Grenademan is in the void, blank between worlds.

Narrator: (Off State) Between the worlds came a champion.  Jarvi didn’t know it yet, but he was enlisted in a powerful proxy contest between two great powers, Order and Chaos, gaming against each other from world to world and age to age.

Order: Frank Noble, you have agreed to be my champion.

Grenademan: I DO NOT KNOW WHO THIS FRANK IS OF WHOM YOU SPEAK.

Order: I can literally read your mind, your ‘secret identity’ is meaningless to me.  I have a destination for you.

Grenademan: WHERE ARE THE FORCES OF EVIL THAT I MIGHT SMITE THEM.

Order: Forces of Chaos in this case are indeed quite evil by your standards.  Your mission is to protect the humans known as the Band of the Orc’s heads; peers in their own game group who have wagered life and death with each other in the old way.  My brother and I approve.

Grenadman: I SHALL STOP THE FORCES OF EVIL FROM SMITING THESE MIGHTY HEROES.

Order: See that you do…(voice fades) See that you do.

Swamp Castle - Curse Breaker

A young woman helps her father build air rifles that will end the curse planted by fire mages that makes guns illegal.

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[Script] Grenademan Vs the Zombies - Act 1, Scene 1 - Continued

 Doc: That’s not the point.

Jarvi: What is the point then?

Doc: You dug up a bunch of dead bodies and laid them out on my property.

Jarvi: I did NOT dig up-

Smite: Come off it.

Jarvi: Pay up.  

Doc: Did they get into the bunker?

Jarvi: No.

Doc: Then I don’t see what there is to talk about.  He picks up the phone and says, “You guys won’t believe what Jarvi did.”

Jarvi: I can’t believe you think I just dug them up.

Smite: Jarvi, you would do ANYTHING to prove you’re right.

Jarvi: I AM right.

Smite: No you aren’t.

Doc: (on phone) Yeah, the whole hill is covered with bodies.

Barbara: I can’t believe you did this to my aunt.

Jarvi: I didn’t DO anything to her, she was just there when I cast the spell.

Smite: Shut up

Jarvi: Make me.  Come over here and make me, assault.

Smite: I will piglet.

Jarvi’s eyes glow and he floats up into the air a moment as wind rushes the stage.

Jarvi: You and what army.  

Smite: You think I’m intimidated by a wire and a few cheap tricks? 

Doc: Now….hold on a second here Smite.

Smite: Double or nothing.

Jarvi: What?

Smite: You heard me, DOUBLE OR NOTHING.  You say we can’t survive the zombie apocalypse? Double or nothing.

Jarvi: I accept

Barbs: Now wait just a second.

Doc: Stop this Jarvi.  Right now.

Jarvi: Do you all accept?

Doc: I do.

Smite: I do

Barbs: What are you all talking about? (picks up the phone) Hello police?

Doc (on the phone) You guys agree as well? (beat) Yeah, they’re in.  Now cut the crap Jarvi.

Jarvi: Your terms are…accepted.

Lights dim.

Jarvi leaves.

Lights go up.

There is silence from the group.  (Beat)

Doc: (On the phone) You guys better get down here….

[Script[ Grenademan Vs the Zombies - Act 1, Scene 1 Continued

 Doc, Barb and Smite emerge from the bunker.

Doc: That was refreshing

Smite: Nothing like a good night’s sleep

Barb: The damn song is stuck in my head

Smite: Sorry not sorry

Jarvi: How in the hell could you people ignore the pounding on the door?

Doc: Very carefully with ear plugs (beat).. what the fuck is this?

Smite: Pretty nice fx but not worth the budget

Barb: Is...is that my AUNT?

Doc: (checks a body) You dug up REAL dead bodies Jarvi? We need to call the police

Jarvi: I didn't dig up anything I used real magic

Smite: Yeah right

Jarvi: Want me to prove it doughboy?

Doc: Calm down, Jarvi no one is calling you a liar but the dead bodies are a step too far

Jarvi: Where else am I supposed to get real zombies from?

Swamp Castle - Mr Hamburger

Ham didnt understand why he was being tried thousands of years in the future for eating a hamburger.  He was some kind of symbol and the penalty for failure was death.  Only the trial in this case was more bizarre and personal than he could imagine.

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[Script] Grenademan Vs The Zombies - Act 1, Scene 1

 Scene: A large bunker door is built into the side of a hill.  JARVI shows up at the edge and begins chanting.

Voice Over:  Like most things surrounding an apocalyptic event, the world ended on a bet.  Funny thing about wagers though.  To some, a wager is as serious as a riddle.  Humans spin oaths, wagers and random riddles about like they are nothing.  But there are older beings and older powers that take such things immensely seriously.

Jarvi: You said that you could survive a zombie apocalypse.  You said put or shut up.  Well, now you’ll all see!

Jarvi begins chanting and there is thunder and lightning and the undead arrive on the stage and wander to the door.

Jarvi: $2000 you said Doc.  You showed me your little bunker and offered me an out saying I’d have to prove that you couldn’t.  Well I am.  With ACTUAL ZOMBIES! 

Zombie begin to pound on the door.

Jarvi pulls out a Napkin and reads, “Be it hereby witnessed by the undersigned that The Band of the Grey Orc’s Head does wager Jarmos Almandine that within 30 days they can construct a shelter of sufficient strength to survive a Zombie Apocalypse.   The wager shall consist of $2000.  Judgment shall be rendered on impartial evidence alone without speculation.”

Jarvi: You want evidence Doc? I’ll give you EVIDENCE.

(beat, Zombies pound)

Jarvi: What they actual fuck? How can they not be freaked out right now?  

Cautiously, Jarvi goes up to the door and listens as the Zombies part for him.

Here’s the story

Of a Lovely Lady

That was bringing up 

Three very lovely girls…

Jarvi: TELEVISION?  You think you can ignore me so easily! Minions, take out that generator.  Take out the wires and the batteries on their little bunker.  We’ll see how well they weather the madness of actual madness IN THE DARK.

Zombies move to obey.

Jarvi: That should teach them.  Wait, what time is it.  No, it CANT be near sunlight already! No! NONONONONONO!

The sun rises, the zombies collapse around the bunker door.

Swamp Castle - Waiting for the Monsters to Die

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