[Play] A Handgrenade Loose in King Arthur's Court - Act 2, Scene 14

 Grenademan is alone on the stage, entirely dark hurtling through the void between worlds. 

Order

Greetings Grenademan, congratulations on a job well done.

Grenademan

I AM SURPRISED.  I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE UPSET AT ME BREAKING THE CYCLE OF CAMELOT.

Order

On the small scale, it doesn’t help my interests, but I like to take the wider picture of things, and I believe that a Camelot allowed to thrive and flourish is a better story than one in which it disappears from the world.   Anyway, that’s not why I’m here.

Grenademan

WHY ARE YOU HERE?  IF...HERE...IS REALLY ANYWHERE...IT SEEMS MORE LIKE NOWHERE REALLY….

Order

No, it's not nowhere.  I’ve been to nowhere, and it's a very unpleasant non place.  This is just nothing, and that’s something all together different.

Grenademan

I SEE.

Order

You really don’t but you’re not a greater cosmic power, so who can blame you? Anyway, my brother and I play many many matches and I must say I’m impressed.  We have a rather impromptu quick match coming up on an Earth not too different than you own and I was wondering if you might be my champion.

Grenademan

I DON’T KNOW.  SOME OF YOUR ACTIONS SEEM EVIL….

Order

I am beyond Good and Evil.  I can see that is important to you, so does it help to know that your opponent is unquestionably evil?  He plans to unleash a zombie hoard on the world.  Well, he doesn't realize it yet, but that’s what he’s planning.

Grenademan

THE FORCES OF EVIL MUST BE STOPPED.

Order

I know, right? So you’ll do it?

Grenademan

SEND ME TO FACE THIS FOUL SORCEROUS FIEND.

Order 

That’s the spirit.  Changing your dimensional trajectory right...now.  Enjoy!

Grenademan

TALLYHO! TO FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL!

Swamp Castle - City of Monuments

Washington the 23rd is determined to renew the American Empire through one means or another; starting with the destruction of the City of Momuments.

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[Play] A Hand Grenade Loose in King Arthur's Court Act 2, Scene 13

 

Grenademan, Morgana, Arthur, Lancelot and Sir Pelinor stand in the throne room

Arthur

So I guess this is goodbye Sir grenademan

Lancelot

Thank you

Pelinor

Thank you indeed.  Not just for saving the kingdom or breaking the cycle but the wonders you have helped us rediscover

Arthur

The kingdom can never repay you, but your memory will be sung by our bards as long as the table shall stand

Morgana

That’s …sappy.  But if it hadnt been for you, I would be being tortured for millenia.  Here.  (she hands Grenademan a pair of boots) They might help you get around…to fight the forces of evil.

Grenademan

THANK YOU ALL.  (he takes the boots) TO FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL.

(everyone else)

To fight the forces of evil!

Morgana

And hearing.

Grenademan salutes, and goes through the magic portal.

[Play] A Hand Grenade Loose in King Arthur's Court - Act 2, Scene 12

 Herald One and Herald Two enter the stage.

Herald One

And so it was that they returned to King Arthur.

Herald Two

And Johnny the Greater Power defying freak was paraded through the streets like the human ape he was.

Herald One

Indeed, people threw fruit and feces and other foul things at the person who thought he could defy Order and Chaos by disguising himself at Mordred

Herald Two

So incensed were the people that they totally forgot the insolence of the weird superhero who had defied them.

Herald One

Indeed.

Herald Two

Order and Chaos might not agree on much, but someone switching places with one of their major pieces like that is just not cool.

Herald One

Not cool at all.

Herald One and Herald Two look at each other and smiling, knowingly.

Herald Two and Herald One

Anyway…

Herald One

Arthur offered his most profuse gratitude to both of them.

Herald Two

Morgana was made Court Magician of all things

Herald One

Grenademan was made a member of the Order of St George, the highest order of knights in the land.  Arthur tried to make him a Baron but Grenademan thought that made him too much like the Red Baron and so wouldn’t have it.

Herald Two

(shakes his head in confusion a moment and continues)

Anywho, he was still given a vast estate where he set up factories and laboratories and a university.

Herald One

It was a very anachronistic age.

Herald Two

And soon, Arthur put the Greater Power defying abomination Johnny Silversmith in charge of a select committee to create democracy.

Herald One

It was by human terms a very golden age.

Herald Two

Months passed.

Herald One

Sir Grenademan, or Sir Frank Noble as  he came to be known in Camelot as Pelinor and Morgana divulged once they found a cure to Frank’s insanity as long as he didnt wear his battle gear, transformed their society

Herald Two

Practically overnight, it was a steampunk utopia

Herald One

That’s an oxymoron

Herald Two

Nevertheless, there it was.

Herald One

Wonder after wonder, discovery after discovery, until one day…

Herald Two

Morgana had finally figured out the spell to send Frank home.

Herald One

And so it came time to say his goodbyes

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[Play] A Hand Grenade Loose in King Arthur's Court - Act 2, Scene 11

 Scene 11

Morgana and Frank appear near the toppled obelisk.

Morgana

Holy cow! That worked!

Grenademan

I AM PLEASED THAT WE SUCCEEDED.  I BELIEVE I HAVE SECURED THE SAFETY OF CAMELOT AND CAN RETURN TO MY HOME REALM.

Morgana

It will take a little bit of research, but its the least I can do.  

Mordred

Not.  So. Fast. 

Grenademan

HARK! THE FORCES OF EVIL!  (Tosses a grenade)

Mordred (Counters with a Tennis Racket)

HA! Arthur is not the only one to remember each cycle.  I remember the tennis player in King Arthur’s court.  I remember them all.

Morgana

By Hecate’s Blighted Eye

Banished Be to Hell

Mordred

A runecaster in King Arthur’s court.  Runes proof against arcane powers Morgana.  You are helpless against me.

Grenademan picks up a sword and begins fighting Mordred, who easily counters every blow and is clearly teasing Grenademan.

Mordred

Is that the best you can do?

Grenademan

NO, THIS IS.

Grenademan tosses a grenade and resumes the sword fight.  Mordred is slightly challenged but still proves the superior swordsman and strikes Grenademan with the flat of the blade multiple times.  The fight continues and Mordred starts to realize that his attempts to actually finish Grenademan off are dodged or stopped by annoying coincidence.

Mordred

Why won’t you just die?

Grenademan

THE FORCES OF GOOD WILL NEVER DIE!

Morgana, frustrated at multiple spells not working, tries something desperate.  (if possible, have her spell a hole in the ground and Mordred jump over it or, failing that, a rock.)

Mordred

Nice try, witch.

Grenademan changes to a different color grenade that explodes on impact but instead of pyrotechnics it is bright green paint.

Mordred

What the hell is that?

Grenademan

PAINT GRENADE.

Morgana

Oh is the mighty Mordred afraid of paint?

Grenademan and Mordred continue fighting but Grenademan lobs more paint grenades at Mordred who is finally forced to stop and remove his helmet.

Morgana

You’re not Mordred!  Who the hell are you?

Not Mordred

I am Johnny Silversmith.  And I’ve been fighting Monarchy for quite some time.

Morgana

Wait, you mean you’re a Spunky Young Patriot in…

Not Mordred

King Arthur’s Court.  When I was magically transported here by the enchanted Silver Tin, I knew that Mordred’s cause was ultimately just and that only by bringing an end to the monarchy, could I help America.  Mordred went back in my stead and I took his place.  I’ve been here for hundreds of cycles.

Grenademan

WELL, NOW YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL.

Morgana

I doubt King Arthur will be so merciful.

Grenademan

I DO NOT SUPPORT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.

Not Mordred

You actually wear and use lethal weapons and you are against Capital Punishment?

Grenademan

SUPERHEROES DO NOT KILL

Not Mordred

Yeah right.

Grenademan

TELL IT TO ARTHUR, SUPERVILLAIN.

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