Wednesday, February 3, 2016

[Heliotrope] It the Blue Fairy Time to Get it Right

Everyone has heard of the little wooden boy who became real and lived with his lovely father Gepetto.  Jape....I am too lazy to google the name of the Itallian Puppeteer who got eaten by a whale.  And while we're at it, remind me to tell you the real story of what he did to piss off the whale enough to eat him.  No, not literally right now, I mean another time.  Whales generally don't just go eating people you know, especially big ones, and last time I checked aint' no bible chapter about the great prophet Gillato.  Gape...gil....

So anyway the Blue Fairy.  There once lived an old man who was a maker of butter churns.  He was the finest maker of butter churns in the land.  Now, understand that this is a colloquialism becuase land is relative when there are a thousand little kingdoms, so he was in fact the only butter churn maker in the land, but was actually a remarkably good butter churn maker and did it better than anyone else in a two hundred mile radius but the finest butter churn maker in a two hundred mile radius doesn't sound very fairy tale like, does it? You see? It takes time to get these things right.

Anyway, the butter churn maker had a passion for sculpting.  He started with soft butter, and eventually moved to wood.  The forest near him was infested with noxious butter eating termites though so these proved poor materials with which to learn to sculpt.  Thus, he eventually turned to stone.  He started making faces, and then worked with other materials.   He eventually began making artistic stone butter churns, and was known throughout the land (200 mile radius).  He grew quite rich but as time is want to do, he grew old.  Granted, immortal creatures don't...but humans still do.  Stop distracting me.

He grew lonely in his old age, and sought to have a child with a local maid.  Alas, he smelled for bathing was something he considered a somewhat optional activity.  So the rich but lonely butter churn maker looked for a shallow bimbo throughout the land who would sell herself for coin and he found one but alas, though he loved her, she was not capable of having a child.  This, and the fact that...let's just say that the butter churn maker was somewhat ignorant of what it actually took to make a child and the shallow bimbo was willing to let it stay that way soooo..

Eventually, she grew bored and left.  This made the butter churn maker very sad. So he began to make a super super realistic butter churn, pouring his whole life into the butter churn that was shaped like a boy, wishing on the great northern star that his little stone butter churn boy would come to life.

And then he died.

The blue fairy, arriving five minutes too late, felt sad and wept tears of bitter procrastination.  They fell onto the little stone butter churn boy, granting him life.  She swore that the next time she would get it right, and left.  The poor stone butter churn boy was left alone and confused in the world, entirely unknowning of the great sacrifice that his father had made to bring him to life.  But the Blue Fairy is a bit...confused.  I mean, let's face it, her hobby is granting inanimate objects life and it only occurred to her later to give the things she animated some kind of a purpose.

But that is another story.

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