Scene 9
Herald One and Herald Two duel in the public square
Herald One
The Sword in the Stone
Drew forth made a King
Tales ere of old then
The bards then did sing
Herald Two
And then civil war happened
Bippity boppity boo
Whoo hoo and a dingle berry too
Mystical Arthur and his fipity wizard
He thinks he is wise
Cause he spent time as a Lizard
What the fuck man?
No one with guts took him seriously
So he beat the ever living shit out of them
With his magical sword
Til they pretended he was Uther’s son
Herald One
Unite the realm he did
Under God one and all
A round table he made
True knights follow the call
Herald Two
A gaggle of trash
Randos with nothing better
To spend their time on.
Herald One
Their glory and quests legend
Their numbers swell each day
The Knights of Camelot unquealed
Enlightened by surefire Ephereveence Ray
Herald Two
I can’t take a peck
At the foam and fleck
Of tin cans in a
Suit of Sardines but
I think the downer
Is the out of towner
Named Mordred so
I heard. The boy is tight
In a joust or a fight
Didnt Arthur sleep with his Mom?
Morgana boink him
Along comes Mordred
High thee father
I’ve come to claim my crown
Then froth did the king
At the bastard thing
That oozed into Camelot’s tile
It stains the land
And isnt it grand
That the pureness has turned into bile?
Herald One
A bastard cant undo purity
Behold our glorious queen Guenevere
Soon an heir will grace
That we can then revere.
Herald Two
Oh thats just swell
I like that one one
Iambic pentameter your ass
Seriously pal you gave me that one on a free platter
I knick knack paddy whack your ass
Since everyone
Whose anyone
Knows that Lancelot has boinked the Queen
Isnt that the problem
If you get what I mean?
The scene
That scene
Such as it is
Made every knight scurry like an ant
Trying to find the grail
To cure a dying king
Who fought Lancelot
And Lost
Trial by Combat
Might as well be Wombat
I’m sure the Desert God
Will answer their prayers any day now
Herald One
Their prayers are indeed heard
The most high of Order
Will restore the balance anon
And sully not the Queen!
Herald Two
LOL, you broke rhyme brother
Herald One
(beat)
Curse you.
Both leave.
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