[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Elfloaf

Nice Elf You have there.

Nice Meatloaf you have there.

Two birds.

One stone.

Snitches get stitches.

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Christmas Looking Glass

Through the looking glass

Christmas is Yellow and Purple

And everyone gives presents to Santa

The more you give

The more you get

Give a toy

Get a toy

Give an eye

Get a third eye

Give your brother

Get a sister

Elves come from somewhere after all

Santa was a gingerbread man

With all the souls he consumed

So jolly and huge

The hatter and the hare and the Cheshire Cat

All avoid him like the plague

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Mupplet Chrismas

December 11 1992

Was the day a Muppet Christmas Carol premiered

A work of wonder care and compassion

But it was more than that

Jim Henson is and was the personification

Of everything Dickens enshrined in A Christmas Carol

Kind  wise and shrewd 

He lived every day of his life as if it were Christmas

But on mAy 16, 1990

That candle was snuffed early and tragically

Many felt that it was the end of the Muppets

Disney had bought them

But it was always with the intent Jim keep on

Brian Henson picked up the torch

And voiced the small green Frog

This movie is proof that Henson's dream lived on

Characters that have lived and loved since

The single most touching moment

In one of the most touching movies of all time

Is when Kermit and Tiny Tim

Scat together with Tim on his shoulder

Walking home the first time

And you see 

What Brian and his father had.

This movie is Christmas

In more ways than one.

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Ed Who

You didn't see it in the book

You didn't see it in the movie

Not even the video game

(Please dont ask)

But one Who was  not smiling 

When he changed bis ways

Made one who was watching

For the rest of their days

For any backsliding

Any at all

And then Edward Who

Would be there for their fall

You see for Ed that Christmas

Was not about something more

But a train you bought at the store

The Markleblat 9000 was shiny and neat

With every accessory it ran twenty feet

Ed knew what that green meanie had done

So when it was legal he purchased  a gun

The cheapest place beyond  the North pole

And Ed didnt care for nice or for coal

He waited at night by bis chimney patrol

Waiting to blow the Grinch away

When the Green ex Grouch passed

(For non but Elves and Robots last)

He stood over the ground an extra six days

Just to make sure he stayed that way

Then at last at last at last

He played with his trains in peace.

The lesson my friend is as simple at this

Learn to forgive or goodbye your life kiss.

Merry Christmas to All

And to all a good night

In spite of this poem

And verbal word blight.

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Did He Really

Jingle Bells

Batman Smells

Batmobile List a wheel

And Joker Got Away

.....Did he?

Did he really?

Or was this all a choreographed plan

So he could find Santa

Get the Magic Bag back

Cut Santa Loose

Ignore Santa's disturbing tent

Vanish into the shadows

Watch the Joker doing bis Christmas Special

Emerge from the shadows right behind him

Cut to technical difficulty

And put the Joker

Back in the Arkham Deck

Where he belongs

Merry Christmas Gotham

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Into the Potterverse

The darkest of timelines didnt stay that way

When Clarence thr Angel broke things apart

A work without George Bailey would break your heart

But a world doesnt stop just because the movie does

And this one shit town became a celebrity cause

The Donny Dont for The US of America

The inspiration for a better Colombia

Everything Potter did was made illegal

Capitalism chained by presidential seal

Sometimes bad things happen for good

But that doesnt mean it ever should.

[Poem] 31 Carols of Christmas - Christmas Cocks

Chris Cocks is the CEO of Hasbro

And lives up to his name

Every year the retailer prepares for Christmas

Foie Geasing with Christmas Decorations and Christmas cheer

A fat dumb happy consumer they can plug

The proverbial Christmas goose

But like every gross filth nillionare

Christmas Cocks has killed the goose that laid the golden egg

Reaganizing the economy Black Rock style

Until there is no more gold to give

But still they try

Fracking our pickets with digitized microtsrgetsd ads

A synchronized panorama of stories 

Lazy workers, Quiet Quitting and Covidflation

When it has always been filth nillionares with their hands in our pockets

They take but they do not give

That is a parasitic relationship

There is no nobles oblige with the new robber barons

There is no symbiosis

They lay people off during the very holiday 

During the very height of cheer they hope to exploit

Christmas Cocks already tried to steal my Inglemia

Christmas Cocks tries to ruin the Dnd Ecosphere

Now Christmas Cocks the Cock walks the walk

And joins Amazon and Spotify 

Sipping bitter employee tears in a champaign flute

If you spend money on Amazon or Spotify or Hasbro this year

Especially after you read this

You sre raising a toast in Christmas Cocks' Cock party

Sipping tears and urinating on Santa

Drink up buttercup

Or

Or

Or

Grab a pitchfork and torch

Come and Follow Me.

And kill the Beast of Capitalism.