Scene 10
Merlin sits talking with Merlin in one side of the stage (ideally the left) and Morgana sits talking with Morgana (ideally the Right)
[Suggestion: This may be accomplished either with an actor in an identical costume, multi media or possibly a puppet]
Chaos (Off Stage)
Let the betraying champion engage in an endless lecture with himself and create a dissertation on exactly Why a Raven is in fact like a Writing Desk in 5 million words or less with APA Formatting and accompanying bibliography. They may leave when done. They will live here as long as it takes, even if the stars burn out.
Merlin
No, no, no that doesnt make any sense. The taxonomy of a writing desk is vegetable, the taxonomy of a raven is animal. This is fundamental
Merlin
Well we can both agree they are composed of matter.
Merlin
Yes, but thats all we agree on. We’ve been here for days and only have one sentence.
Merlin
Well thats not MY fault, you’re the one who won’t be flexible.
Merlin
I am LITERALLY you.
Merlin
Now you’re being pedantic.
(Both scream in torture)
Order (Off Stage)
Let the betraying champion engage in the traditional torture of the other. From sun up to sun down, she shall torture her other. Then the other shall switch places and go from sun down to sun up. This shall proceed until one relents and dies. They shall live until this is accomplished even should the stars burn out.
Morgana
Stop, please stop.
Morgana
You know I literally can’t not torture you.
Morgana
Just a break. Just five minutes, please, it never stops.
Morgana
All you have to do is let me be the one who lives.
Morgana
No!
(Both scream in rage)
The Lights Go Out
Grenademan Enters
The Lights Go On
Grenademan
OH THAT ACTUALLY IS COOL. I CAN SEE WHY YOU DO IT.
Morgana
What? How did you get here?
Grenademan
I REVERSED THE POLARITY ON THE OBELISK USING AN OSCILATING QUANTUM MAGNETIC FROMBOTIZER BOUNCING OFF A DEFLECTOR DISH I MADE OF WHEAT AND TINFOIL TRIANGULATED FROM THE MOONS REFLECTION.
Morgana
(beam) I am absolutely sorry I asked. WHY are you here?
Grenademan
I AM HERE TO RESCUE YOU.
Morgana
Seriously? ME? You?!
Merlin
Hear him out, he has the Golden Helm of Mambrino. Its probably how he actually got here. He BELIEVED he could. If he believes he can free us, then he likely can.
Morgana
We’re already in enough trouble with Order and Chaos.
Merlin
You dont know them well do you? If we can get out of this, they wont care?
Morgana
Hello? Aren’t you supposed to be torturing me?
Morgana
Right. Sorry.
Grenademan
STOP. DONT DO THAT TO YOURSELF.
Morgana
I literally dont have any other choice.
Grenademan
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Morgana
I have to, or I cease to be.
Morgana
And then its my turn.
Grenademan
BUT YOU ARE BOTH YOU?
Morgana
Yes, brilliant this one is.
Grenademan
WELL WHY DOESNT ONE OF YOU JUST CHOOSE TO LET THE OTHER LIVE?
Morgana
Its not that simple.
Morgana
We’re both me.
Grenademan
DO YOU REALLY HATE YOURSELF THAT MUCH?
Morgana
What? No.
Morgana
Not at all.
Morgana
(beat) Do we hate ourselves that much?
Morgana
Shit. We do.
Morgana
But we dont have any REASON to. We’re not that good a person.
Morgana
Why didnt we think of this before?
Morgana
I guess we were too wrapped up in ourselves
Morgana
Fuck them. Fuck them all.
Morgana
You go. I’ll end.
Morgana
No, you go.
Merlin
Either of you. Just pick one.
Morgana
I’ll do it.
Morgana
OK. I wont forget you Morgana
Morgana
You’d better not.
(Morgana vanishes)
Morgana
Thank you Grenademan. Let’s go.
Merlin
Take me with you.
Merlin
Oh no, and leave me to finish five million words? If I’m staying you’re staying with me.
Merlin
Grenademan, can you invent a typewriter that will produce five million words?
Grenademan
OF COURSE. WE JUST NEED SEVERAL MONKEYS, A COCONUT AND-
Morgana
You helped me. Let me help you. He’s not worth it.
Grenademan
WHAT YOU MEAN?
Morgana
Seriously? He’s TOTALLY evil.
Merlin
I’m not that evil.
Merlin
No, she’s right we’re pretty evil.
Grenademan
BUT IT REALLY WOULDNT TAKE THAT LONG ONCE WE FOUND THE MONKEYS.
Morgana
Oh for….Grenademan take my hand.
Grenademan
OK. (holds her hand) WHY?
Morgana
See ya Merlin.
Merlin
Oh fuck.
(Lights go out)
Grenademan and Morgana leave.
(Lights come back on)
Merlins
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.
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