Grenademan, Galahad and Lancelot enter
William
Welcome grail seekers, to the unpronounceable cave.
Grenademan
BILL?
William
No, William, I’m Bill’s twin brother. Common misconception.
Galahad
What is the unpronounceable cave?
William
Unpronounceable?
Galahad
What?
William
The cave.
Galahad
What about the cave?
William
It’s unpronounceable. Sharp one, your friend I see.
Lancelot
That’s my son.
Galahad
You’re not my father.
Lancelot
Yes, we all know.
Gredademan
WE SEEK THE HOLY GRAIL.
William
Then please select any grail you choose.
(Stagelights show several coffee mugs, tumblers, slurpy cups, medieval style cups. Merlin steps in, no one seems to notice.)
Merlin
One for every cycle of the loop. You will never get it.
Grenademan
AM I ALLOWED TO USE SCIENCE?
William
I...don’t think it is against the rules.
Grenademan
(pulls out a metal detector and begins running it up around the cups)
THE GRAIL ORIGINALLY CAUGHT THE CUP OF CHRIST, DID IT NOT
Lancelot
That’s correct, Grenademan.
Grenademan
THEN IT IS ONE OF THESE THREE. (He points to three cups)
Merlin
It is a lucky thing for us all that loop #47 was a Vampire in King Arthur’s Court and #666 was a Serial Killer in King Arthur’s court.
Grenademan
WHAT KIND OF BLOODTYPE WAS JESUS?
Lancelot
What is a blood type?
Grenademan
IT IS WHAT LETS SOMEONE DONATE TO OTHERS OR RECEIVE BLOOD FROM OTHERS.
Lancelot
What kinds are there?
Grenademan
A, B, AB, AND O. THERE IS ALSO A POSITIVE AND A NEGATIVE. THEY GO FROM O NEGATIVE WHICH IS THE UNIVERAL DONOR TO AB NEGATIVE WHICH IS THE RAREST OF ALL.
Galahad
Christ would have the rarest blood of all.
Lancelot
He would be this...O Negative.
Grenademan
WHY DO YOU THINK SO?
Lancelot
Christ gave. That is what he did.
Grenademan
(waves the metal detector) THIS ONE HAS O NEGATIVE.
Lancelot
(moves to take the grail, almost takes it and then looks at Grenademan and Galahad and sighs)
After you son.
Galahad
But I don’t think Christ would have common blood. He was the king of kings. What kind do kings have?
Lancelot
Just take the bloody grail!
Galahad
But…
Lancelot
Do it.
Galahad takes the cup. LIght shines around him and there is choral singing.
Merlin
No! NO!
William
You have chosen….correctly.
Grenademan
BUT NOT WISELY
William
I would not call any of you….wise.
Galahad
This is too easy.
William
Excuse me?
Galahad
Where is the fire breathing dragon? Where is the is the angel with a fiery sword? That’s not how this is supposed to work.
William
Do you need the grail?
Lancelot
Desperately. Arthur is cursed and thus so too is the land.
William
Then take it.
Galahad
No. (puts the grail back) This is not worthy.
William
Excuse me?
Galahad
This task is not worthy of me.
William
You are telling God that his task is not worthy of you?
Galahad
I refuse to believe this is God’s task.
Lancelot (Looking at Grenademan)
Don’t look at me, I’m a sinner.
Grenademan
I DO SEEM TO RECALL THAT REDEMPTION IS SOMETHING THAT IS THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE FOR THIS PARTICULAR DEIFIC OCCASION.
Lancelot
I’m not worthy. You take it.
Grenademan
I WILL IF YOU WONT, BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD.
Lancelot trembling takes the cup. The same angelic choir and lights resume.
William
You have chosen... the same thing.
Grenademan
BUT I THINK MORE APPROPRIATELY.
William
Agreed.
Lancelot kneels and then clasps the grail, gratefully.
Merlin
Fuck. (beat) Fuckfuckfuck.
No comments:
Post a Comment